Bird - Question (Repost) - pipTalk Forums

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Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

0 posted 2001-06-17 05:03 PM

Okay, I need to repost because 1)I love this one so much, and 2)I wrote another similar but it has more meaning if this one is read first.

Would you let me fly,
Long and high in the purple sky?
Watching the stars fall like the snow,
Would your vocabulary have the word no?
The fall so gently without a sound,
When the reach it, they light up the ground.
The sky is turning turquoise now,
And to you I make this vow.
I'll love you forever, I'll stay by your side,
But I need you to promise to let me glide.
Up with the stars, kissing the sky,
I need my freedom, please let me fly.
The castles are gold,
You need to be bold.
To let me fly, to let me go,
I promis you I won't fly too low.
I'll come back to you, you have my word,
I have to return, for I'm only a bird.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-06-17 09:38 PM

I really liked this one. Especially the ending. Funny though cuz I read RESPONSE before QUESTION....kinda reversed things I guess. I'm stupid like that hehe.
Nicely done here though. I enjoyed them both.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2001-06-18 04:38 AM

this is a pretty poem :-) i like reading love poems, can't write 'em very well tho :-S. this one was kool, hopefully i'll get to read more of your posts soon. laterz
-fear-

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-06-18 02:25 PM

nice poem...great job on writing this....bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-06-19 01:05 AM

This is a very well written poem. The rhyme scheme is a little choppy here and there... maybe you should check out dictionary.com and use the thesaurus. That might help bunches. Other than that, I enjoyed this poem. Nice work.

--Marie

"Imagine a pageant...
In my head the flesh seems thicker,
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth,
And I need you now somehow." --Silverchair

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