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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-06-14 06:09 PM

listlessly floating
in a sea of dreams
waves caressing gently
emerald flashes of light
sensually brushing against
drowning in your passion
breathing in your smell
surviving off you like air
a glimpse of your eyes
gazes locked in time
tasting of your salt
the sweet of your body
body of a sea of dreams
as i listlessly float

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Where are you when i need you....?

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-06-14 06:21 PM

this was good. thought the imagery was quiet powerful.

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-06-14 06:47 PM

wow, I really like this!! good job!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

3 posted 2001-06-14 06:50 PM

The imagery was extremely strong. This was a nice poem.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-06-14 10:49 PM

great imagery...i enjoyed this a lot...your poetry is getting a lot differ from the first poem i read from you

...keep it up Tiff...byeW:ave:

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

MoeRocko
Member

since 2001-04-25

Posts 166
West Virginia

5 posted 2001-06-14 10:51 PM

Hey Hey Tiff. Great Post for real! You know I have to bump this one

Luv Ya

Castles made of sand, slip into the sea eventually...

Fall mountains, just don't fall on me.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-06-16 02:45 AM

Great job here. This was simply beautiful. One of the most beautiful I've read from you.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-06-19 12:07 PM

beautiful read...nice job

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

8 posted 2001-06-21 04:44 AM

*bump*

This was a cute poem, Tiffer. ^^ The imagery was sweet and very nice use of shorter lines... something that I can't quite do with any degree of mastery. Definitely peaceful images which allude to two things simultaneously... one is water (all poems about water totally rule!), and the other, a more sensual image. ^^

Only thing that seems a little weird are the fifth lines and the third-to-last lines... the former because it ended with a preposition (the only line that ended in that fashion), and the third-to-last line because I couldn't figure out if you wanted to say 'sweet' (which does make sense), or you wanted to say "sweat" (which makes sense in a different way.

Anyways! ^^ Your poems are as good as always... this isn't my favorite of yours, but it certainly proves that you haven't lost your touch at writing good poetry (like yours truly), and this one deserves a nice little promotion via a bump as well. ^_~ Hope to see more of your work around, and thanks for the very cute dual-image. Something fun to sleep on. ^_^ Until next time...

- holatuwol

punkrockerrobin