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fozzyozzy
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since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-06-13 10:37 PM


Elegy Written to the Already Dead

Churning up the collective for miles
A man hidden unto himself
Shielding his soul from unjustified smiles
Feels his life sorted onto a shelf

This man, grim style remembered
A legend written for satisfaction
Families torn and bodies dismembered
Casualty of society? Congratulation

Forced to stare into sorrow unphased
This man care forgotten of his name
Immaterial to which his sin is based
Dead to us now, kill him now, this is his game

"Only God can judge me," predetermined journey
For this man already dead on delivery to us
This man who looked upon a crimson colored gourney
And laughed to his satisfied take on justice

How many dead among us as we speak
Of horrors and fears and demons
We overlook the lost as we seek
the horrors and fears and demons

Here the body, soul found deeper
His frightful deeds didn't scare the reaper
May god bless, may God bless
Us
May He damn the rest...

"This is cactus land!!!"-T.S.Eliot

© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-06-13 11:24 PM


quite the dark poem...i liked it
but i didnt like teh fact you used tupacs verse in there...a poem is best to be original even though its quoted...well thats my opinion...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?


[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 06-13-2001).]

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
2 posted 2001-06-14 02:39 PM


Excuse me, but I didn't quote anyone that I know of not even Tupac.  What line would that be anyway?

"This is cactus land!!!"-T.S.Eliot

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-06-16 02:53 AM


"May god bless, may God bless
Us
May He damn the rest..."
This was my favorite part. I found the the poem was nice, but the beginning was weak....the middle was tame, and the ending roared really nicely. The ending rocked, but the fact that the beginning and middle didn't do much for me made the poem lose a bit of appeal. Regardless, and due to the ending, I liked the poem. Great message...hope to see more!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-06-16 03:06 AM


tupac-----> "Only God can judge me"!!!

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

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