Rock (fractal here's your syllable count)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

0 posted 2001-06-13 09:30 AM

where does the time begin
where does the time all end
in a single moment
the present has gone by
the past and future die
Yet a rock still remains

The mountains to crumble
and the oceans dry up
all buildings will tumble
the stars will stop shining
and the skies will go black
yet a rock still remains

Famine plauges the land
war consumes our freedom
now pain has lost its gain
never ending turmoil
independence is lost
yet a rock still remains

Saftey, refuge, and peace
hope, trust, faith, and freedom
all is not lost, vanished
the above do exist
just look straight ahead
in the Rock they remain

ok this is my first attempt at syllable count instead of just rhymes so tell me how it turned Ok thanx.

in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN)

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-06-13 12:17 PM

I really like this piece... I love the symbolism. Yes, all things are preserved by the Rock. As for the syllable count, they all have the same number of syllables, but you might want to pay more attention to the pattern of accented and non-accented syllables (if technical writing is what you want to get into). This is still a beautiful piece, though! Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-06-14 12:03 PM

same here the symbolism was great...beautiful job...i enjoyed this a lot...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

3 posted 2001-06-14 12:07 PM

wow you did a good job yuh i like how it flowed, alot.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-06-16 06:36 PM

I enjoyed this one greatly. Great job...it was a good poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

5 posted 2001-06-20 01:33 AM

hey hey...this was cool :-) i dunno how anybody writes in syllabels...great job :-) later
-fear-

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

6 posted 2001-06-20 02:14 AM

hun this was awesome! so if you get online and not on messenger at least you can respond to my poems!silly boy!
love always,
robin

5_sweet_kisses
Junior Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 49

7 posted 2001-06-20 02:17 AM

AWESOME!!! *points* Hey Robin babay!! anywho... moving on.. That was a good poem, almost all of them are awesome, I wish mine were *sniff* but awesome poem

Peeker

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.