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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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homeless |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz 
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i had found this in a grouping of some old papers in the basement. i had written it a few years ago in my days when i ran away a lot and hung out on the streets with the other gutter punks. it was derived from the inspiration of a crippled homeless man i would see everyday and night in front of the red herring. His long bony fingers, with rough worn skin. Like segements of a tree branch. the rough bark cracking and peeling gripping that filthy tin can. The clanging of a few mere pennies banging around inside that black hole striking against the cold metal. He begs for you to share just a tiny Fraction of your wealth. So that he might have a meal. - jen [This message has been edited by quietlydying (edited 06-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
such a real poem...sad but true...and you wrote it well on this topic...great job  ...bye  i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
This is intriguing. It's very honest and real-life. Great job. "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Wow. Great description here. Good job! |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I really liked the way you described his hands. I thought it was very effective and realistic. Keep it up! ¤ ¢H@§ïÑg RåIñ ¤ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
It's really sad.....gutter punks? Is that what people on the streets are called? Hmm doesn't sound too good. Anyway, you really expressed what was going on in there well and the imagery was very nicely written. Hope to see more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very interesting poem. hope things are well now. thanks for the read and keep sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Mic |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Excellent job with the descrptions, Jen. I like the last four lines in particular. Tragic circumstances often make the best poetry. Thanks for writing this. I needed to see it, believe it or not, at the moment. Me Consider yourself added to the hitlist. |
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