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Teen Poetry #4
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Loving Doom
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Loving Doom |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Hey everyone... heres one that I admire... I hope you like it as well. Enjoy. "Loving Doom" Silky red cloth, you wave at me, Benighted me: I charge as a bull. As I inch towards my liberty; An impalement penetrates my skull. Leaving it to loiter; you don’t, You discharge the grim sword. And again submerge it stormily. My bloody wit dispenses onward. Your wrath winds my bare flesh. You thunder upon battered bones. Renounce: not me. I still contend, And repossess power to heave stones. Escalating to my feet, I tolerate No more lack of your senses. I wish to swipe this blade in you, But my mind’s sanity commences. Lesson learned: admiration is evil. And vengeance seems so soon. Simply lean towards your freedom, To rid you of this loving doom. J.D. Raulinaitis "Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
HOLY CENSORHSIP!!...i am amzed at your literary talent...this is an absolutely perfect poem...and i am not over-stating at all..totally serious in saying this is just perfect...great work! "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Holy crap dued. Very good. When you get burnt like this admiration can seem evil. I'm not sure if it is but it can be dangerous... that is for sure. I really loved this poem. I totaly miss read it the first time, but I clued in the second time and it was terific. A wonderful read. Good reason to admire this one. ~Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was really good, but everybody seemed to praise it a lot more than what I would have done. I have this HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE headache, very bad one. Maybe that's it. Maybe I missed something. *wipes his nose on your sleeve* I have a cold....  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Do you know what JDR, my library is going to have no more space for anyone elses work if you producing writing of this quality.  Once again, fantabulous poetry. I had to read it a few times (being up at hell knows what hour of the morning will do that to you lol) but I finally grasped it when...It also helped to turn off the music.  ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very good Jeremy.... it went over my head a bit at first.... but it was good!! And dopey, yuck, keep your germs to youself. xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
holy crap! you: the bull her: the matador I loved this so much... this comparison is so good, im so glad I stopped in to read some poem before I went out Absolutely powerful! Cant wait to read more... -Knightfellow "If you had a choice to believe in yourself, or another person, who would it be?" |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
A beaurtifully penned piece indeed! Thanks for sharing this Jeremy. Best wishes~*~Jessica~*~ True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides the evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a deserted island. |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
its pretty cool that this poem revealed what I was trying to say... not too easily and not to subtle...thanks to everyone who replied, any more before I let it fly? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i've seen you grow in your poetry seems like everyone elseexpressed their admiration for this piece Indeed this poem deserves such praise thanks for the share JD I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Jeremy, This poem is a true WOW WOW WOW!!!! How powerfully made with such inspiration and almost hope for the future. This is so wonderful, Jeremy. Thank you for sharing this i really needed it today. Love ~*~Amanda~*~ What comes with love are tears of pain. What comes with hate are brighter days~ Amanda |
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