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Teen Poetry #4
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The childs view
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The childs view |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
Awakened in the night awakened because of fright out of bed she crawls grabbing one of her dolls her feet sliding on the floor she slowly opens the door she hears the screaming in the hall and then she see's her mommy fall mommy lies there on the ground the child begins to look around and there daddy shows a blank stare mommy's hurt and daddy doesn't care the child opens her mouth to speak but the words just tremble her voice so weak daddy picks up mommy as she screams the blood flows down here head like a stream the child watches just out of view she hears bad words but only knows a few daddy hits mommy again she yells in pain the child speaks her words are in vain daddy hits and then throws mommy on the floor he pushes the child into bed and slams the door the child cries the door wont open no matter how hard she tries she screams daddy no please don't hurt her mommy didn't do anything wrong take me not her the child cries and cries the tears fill her baby blue eyes she prays to God to let the problems cease all she wants is a little bit of peace. She cries as she lies on her bed visions of her hurt mommy flow through her head then come the sirens she hears this just confirms all of her fears the police man comes and takes the her in his arm tells her that her daddy can no longer do her harm that her mommy will be okay but she can't see her today as they leave she sees her daddy in the police car tonight the childs view will leave her forever with an emotional scar in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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Dr. Jo-Bizz Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 97 |
"its not like she can stand up.. when you beat her down with your love..." was this something from personal experience? I can't even imagine... wow. I think maybe the ending line is a little awkward. or maybe its just me. its seems like it has too many syllables. but remember, i'm just an artist masquerading as a poet, so don't listen to me much. dr. jo. But His word was in my heart |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
oh my......wow oh wow.....for so long i have been trying to find the words to describe how i felt when i was little.....and wow this poem reminds me so much of me..although the situation isnt the same...it kinda is...but yeah you did a great job! *click* in my library  Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
dr. Jo quoting some DOGWOOD "daddy dearest I love you please return it back christian family we once were do you still blame me?" no not from personal experience just a poem, I like to try to look at things through different views I guess. As blindside says, "they're all liberated minds and I'm a narrow minded fool." in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
All these pieces I am reading today are blowing me away. Yours is no exception! There is so much emotion in this that I was taken back by its intensity. You've outdone yourself here. Well done. ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! |
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Captivating1 Junior Member
since 2001-06-07
Posts 15Houston, TX |
It's so sad that children have to go through these things...maybe if we keep writing someone will listen... Good Job! -Captivating1 |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
yeah I know captivating...your poem actually inspired this one kinda. I had been wanting to do a poem about spousal abuse but didn't know how to put it and then your thing about wendy did it, put it through a childs eyes. in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!...powerful...but yea...*sigh*...you said it how it is...its such a sad thing that happens in families these days...most go unoticed and the children just sees it day after day...not knowing why herer family isnt like her friends so on...very hard as that child grows up and still is trying to over that scar...you told it very well...as i see so many children suffering from this...bye i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Wow. I liked this one alot. A complete slap of reality. you did an absolute great job on this one! |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Oh gosh...*covers eyes* This was so intense...too intense...intense doesn't even describe it. great job!  *sigh* I heard a funny quote once...*scratches head* It went like this... |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
well...um... It read as a poem by a child might...kinda add some flavor to it. The violence and terror work well...good job.. Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
wow...i'm in awe. this one was really good =) i dunno what to say...wow lol. i'm addin this one to my library. keep posting! -fear- |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
wow, I love this poem! it's so sad...I almost cried when reading it....I am speechless... I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, speechless here. Very well written poem. I loved it. Sad thing and I hope this isn't a personal experience.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
This poem left me speechless. It's an awesome but sad piece. Great job. keep writing. |
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