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Teen Poetry #4
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Examination
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Examination |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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Careening through a tube-like transcendence Acrylics on the stone- covered walls spell out songs that can only be sung by those Who are free. The ones that waste trillions of minutes that could have should have (would have, had they not been so stoned.) been nose-touching-books reading and comprehending upwards and crosswords sideways and back words about (face!) the men who died for the chance to spell their own name, and the chromosomes with their navy blue Levis, tattered torn and worn not-so-often. Five minutes...six minutes Dwindling to three, until the moment when these tubes are cut And I can finally breathe. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Carly, that was so awesome! It was... I don't know what to say. It is in my library. Amazing job! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Carly simply amazing. Another masterpiece. You are shining here. Wow this was so awesome. I loved the whole meaning of it all and your style was great!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
awesome writing here  ...i liked the format as wellgreat job...i enjoyed this greatly...and im REALLY glad you posting again ...bye ms.astrologist  i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 06-06-2001).] |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow... err yup absoloutely awesome... glad to see you posting in here Carly and great job on the poem, I really enjoyed it Zu |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
ok the piece itself was really good but I'm confused lol. in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
this is incredible. in fact, i like it so much that it is going straight back to page one! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh *runs away cuz she's jealous of your brain* this is AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..... about (face!) me....hehehe.....i love this poem....i love it i cant think of anything else to say cuz i am so blown away by it...excellent work girly..agpfagp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Very, very good work, Carly!  Simply outstanding here, everything you put together here.  I think the diction here is something to be commented on. The choice of words and how the intertwine is great... like Cherish mentioned "about (face!) the men" had an excellent double meaning, you did it wonderfully. Also, "chromosomes" and "levis" written so closely to one another. Get it? Genes/Jeans! Hehehe... that was a really, really creative way to accentuate the message... making a hidden homonym like that. Just organization of other words that compliment or contradict one another make this poem a technical masterpiece. On the scale you and I discussed about your poetry, this one gets an 8 out of 10 for sure. It's just so... different.Oh and nice photo.  Yours, ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Carly, well i don't know how to write long compliments like allan does but i found this this to be insightful, hilarious and thought-provoking, qualities that i strive for when i write and which you do very well here... i didnt get the double meaning about about (face!) the men...will you mind explaining?? |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
*mouth dropped in awe* this is probably one of the greatest poems i have ever read on passions..you seemed to have really progressed as a writer this past year..this is truly amazing "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
~*standing ovation*~ Now that's what I'm talking about!!! hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Mic |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
wow. I agree with the rest. amazing. Regina |
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