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Teen Poetry #4
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deterioration of the elders
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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deterioration of the elders |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
ok this is to take the other side of discrimination, just because you guys made the point about my other poem. so hope you enjoy. "I walked five miles in the snow, up hill both ways and barefoot when I was a young boy." Even though there lives were tough they all had a source of joy. They are the ones that kept this country together that made this freedom seem to last forever. but now they are deteriorating, many now death are contemplating. So why is it that one grows old & we throw them away discard them like trash because they are in our way with years and trials comes knowledge but as we come along we push them off lifes edge. We throw them in nursing homes becasue we don't care we close our ears when their lives they share. your to old you can't work here you'll just slow us down is what we fear. Old being pushed away bringing in the new while the young just try to fit in their shoe. We dont realize the sacrifice that was made or the price these old men and women paid many fought in the wars to gain your very freedom yet we push them away thinking it's wisdom. The old have so much to offer this society but they don't fit into our new variety in our minds they are just a hinderance but they prove so very valuable when given a chance.  |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Bravo!!! Well said  It is very sad to me...they should be cherished great writing.....and LOL at that first line...I heard that stuff growing up too SEA |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Impressive writing. This truly does seem to be the generation that severs off all connection to the old ways of doing things. You poem is good, but it could be revised a little. It seems to go on a bit, and you've got a few gramatical errors here and there. But on the whole it was nice. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Dr. Jo-Bizz Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 97 |
yeah. something in me likes the strong, "political" messages that your poetry sends. something to make people think. dr. jo-bizz But His word was in my heart |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
What an interesting topics to write about...wonderful job! |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great job on writing this...i enjoyed it greatly...keep writing on those topics...i lreally liked reading them ...bye  i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this one. A peek into the other side. Well done!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This was very nice!A totally different angle to look at it from. I liked it. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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quitstaringatmenow Junior Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 10 |
I found the topic of your poem really interesting and it's really excellent writing, but it can be fixed a little. I found it somewhat droning, shorter lines might help. Other than that, loved it |
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