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Teen Poetry #4
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the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan

0 posted 2001-06-06 08:16 AM


ok this is to take the other side of discrimination, just because you guys made the point about my other poem.  so hope you enjoy.

"I walked five miles in the snow, up hill both ways and barefoot when I was a young boy."
Even though there lives were tough they all had a source of joy.
They are the ones that kept this country together
that made this freedom seem to last forever.
but now they are deteriorating,
many now death are contemplating.
So why is it that one grows old & we throw them away
discard them like trash because they are in our way
with years and trials comes knowledge
but as we come along we push them off lifes edge.
We throw them in nursing homes becasue we don't care
we close our ears when their lives they share.
your to old you can't work here
you'll just slow us down is what we fear.
Old being pushed away bringing in the new
while the young just try to fit in their shoe.

We dont realize the sacrifice that was made
or the price these old men and women paid
many fought in the wars to gain your very freedom
yet we push them away thinking it's wisdom.
The old have so much to offer this society
but they don't fit into our new variety
in our minds they are just a hinderance
but they prove so very valuable when given a chance.



© Copyright 2001 the_rescue - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-06-06 11:13 AM


Bravo!!! Well said   It is very sad to me...they should be cherished   great writing.....and LOL at that first line...I heard that stuff growing up too   SEA
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

2 posted 2001-06-06 11:44 AM


Impressive writing.  This truly does seem to be the generation that severs off all connection to the old ways of doing things.  

You poem is good, but it could be revised a little.  It seems to go on a bit, and you've got a few gramatical errors here and there.

But on the whole it was nice.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 97

3 posted 2001-06-06 11:59 AM


yeah.  something in me likes the strong, "political" messages that your poetry sends.  something to make people think.  


dr. jo-bizz

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
4 posted 2001-06-06 12:53 PM


What an interesting topics to write about...wonderful job!
anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-06-06 04:22 PM


great job on writing this...i enjoyed it greatly...keep writing on those topics...i lreally liked reading them ...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-06-06 05:01 PM


I enjoyed this one. A peek into the other side. Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
7 posted 2001-06-06 05:26 PM


This was very nice!A totally different angle to look at it from. I liked it.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

quitstaringatmenow
Junior Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 10

8 posted 2001-06-06 06:21 PM


I found the topic of your poem really interesting and it's really excellent writing, but it can be fixed a little. I found it somewhat droning, shorter lines might help. Other than that, loved it  
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