If the walls could talk. - pipTalk Forums

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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2001-06-05 04:16 PM

--- Ok i'd like to thank Cherish for the idea for this one and all the help she has given me while I was writting this and for all the great and helpful suggestions that she gave me... hurrah for Cherish...

and finally *big hugs*

If the walls could talk.

Tommorow the walls moved away,
Don’t know where, she didn’t say,
Left the roof just floating there,
Just took off and didn’t care,

Yesterday the walls spoke out,
In whispers didn’t need to shout,
Told me of her life story,
All the details gruesome and gory,

The wall have kept their silence,
After witness to the violence,
Dragging it’s ball and chain,
See her choking on the pain

The walls spoke out to me,
I helped to set her free,
Her contract void and null,
Her lonely heart was full,

Yesterday the walls moved out,
So we have to live without,
We are living in the open air,
Sorry, that we didn’t seem to care

Zu

Has anyone seen my cabbage?

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-06-05 04:20 PM

wow...this rocks!! Great writing

ethel lahootie
Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 143
SC, USA

2 posted 2001-06-05 04:45 PM

this was cool...i liked how u showed how the walls felt...it was interesting. good job

~eThEl~

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-06-05 04:59 PM

very nicely written...
and isnt cherish's "lightblub" interesting to turn on

...hahah
...not really?..but anyways...i really liekd this...great job

..bye MR.Zu

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 06-05-2001).]

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2001-06-05 08:27 PM

Wow.

I loved this! nice job!

fall hard, practice harder not to fall

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-06-05 11:20 PM

Well done here Andrew....cherish IS great isn't she?
I liked this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-06-06 01:05 AM

Andrew Andrew Andrew!!...you're too sweet..

i love the poem you know that..

..i love the revisions....you have done a more then awesome job on this and im elated that you actually thought that my advice was worth taking..

beautiful words from a beautiful poet...

...keep writing my friend we need your poetry..

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

7 posted 2001-06-06 11:29 AM

ok great poem I liked it a lot but watch out for falling roof's ok.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

8 posted 2001-06-06 03:39 PM

Thanx for all the replies... and it was great working with you cherish

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

9 posted 2001-06-06 09:47 PM

awwwwww...that pleasures all mine..

Words_of_Glitter
Member

since 2000-10-25

Posts 90
USA

10 posted 2001-06-06 10:55 PM

Good poem! A very original idea. I think if you re-wrote this a few times and maybe used more "thinking words" it could be something creative and great! NICELY DONE!

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

11 posted 2001-06-07 04:27 AM

Why thankyou for the reply words of glitter.

"Death solves all problems, no man, no problem" J.V.Stalin 1918.

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

12 posted 2001-06-07 02:02 PM

"if walls could talk, oh, they would say I want you more, they would say, hey, I never felt like this before..."

oops, sorry, the title just reminded me of that Celeine Dion song...lol.
but like I've said before when you sent it to my email, it's a beautiful poem Zu..loved it just as much as I did before.
good job

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

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