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Teen Poetry #4
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6 months (pls read)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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6 months (pls read) |
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little_krazy_poet Junior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 41 |
this is a poem about i fight with depression and what has happened and what i feel. i hope you like it i feel you, i’ve felt the pain. i’ve been there, i know the shame. I've felt it, the troubles in life. I've been it the beast inside don’t worry your not the only one you don’t have to think that... well life is now done it’s ok I'll help you we’ll do this we both will make it through how many times have I herd this I think it’s a bunch of piss it’s been 6 months of professional help those ones in the chairs the kind of guys that eat kelp man they do nothing just sit and stair you know they don’t really care my dad spending all his money it’s really starting to get funny I'd wish it stop it’s vary deconstructive I don’t see how it’s vary constructive so after 6 months and 3 tries what i hear out of all of them a bunch of sighs WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL!! AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU TO DO OTHERWISE |
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| © Copyright 2001 Matt B... - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
good job...i enjoyed the read...bye  i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 06-01-2001).] |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
This is holatuwol's thought of the day... the weak rhyme (is that even a proper poetry term...? Prolly not... anyways, I think you know what I mean by that) that you used early in the poem gave the poem the little lure that engaged me from the very beginning. And I enjoyed the beginning very much... I thought it was impressive. But, as the rhymes started appearing, the poem started to severely stagger in my mind... the image was still constant, but the stronger rhyme scheme broke the flow and all but crippled the wonderful echo that seemed to be resonating in the first lines of your poem. And... it kind of frustrated me. ^^; I just thought that I'd mention that... Overall, the poem gave an image that was very realistic, but the little signature that you have about writing what you feel seemed to hurt the poem, because the rhymes made the poem echo less and made it harder for the reader to feel what you wanted to say... you may have written what you felt, but getting the reader to feel what you felt is really dependent on maintaining echo and a pretty flow. ^_^ Anyways, I just thought that I'd say that I liked your poem and I enjoyed it as a piece overall, but my favorite part stands as the beginning, and the ending itself seems to gain slightly less favor... of course, that's just me, and I'm one out of many thousand poets. ^_^ Prolly someone else will give you a different opinion. - holatuwol |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ah Doctors...Phewy to them! I know how you feel about them doing nothing. I can count how many I've had on two hands and still nothing has improved. I'm sorry to hear about your battle with depression by the way. *hugs* to you.  I could really connect with everything you have said in here. Well done. Oh and PLEASE don't put please read in your title. You should know by now that it's not the way to go. ~AF~ Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved." |
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little_krazy_poet Junior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 41 |
holatuwol: thanks for that i do get what your trying to say thanks for the and i'll put that to use on the rast of my poems AF: yes you've told me that in the past but this one was really inportant to me and i wanted ppl read and comment on so i'll stop doing that. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done on this one. I dislike dr's. They annoy me with their ever so contradicting theories on what is wrong with you. Get two doctors and nothing will be the same.....either you got cancer, or you got gas. I mean geesh. I did like this poem though. You expressed this one very well. And I know you were talkin about psychological dr's....but I just felt like commenting on DR's....the medical kind...oh well  Well done on the poem!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wonderful poem...absolutely wonderful!!!!! |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
I liked it, but I agree with holatuwol on all of his points. keep writing I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
i loved this great job! hope everything gets better for ya Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that |
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