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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2001-05-31 06:52 PM

Beneath the shells you hide who you once were
The truth buried in years of what they pleased
Your life back then so soon became a blur
I watched in pain as from my arms you eased

So now you wear your crown atop your head
And live the joys of highschool royalty
But you forgot the things you once had said
But you forgot the times you shared with me

Im not the kind to hold onto the past
Im not the kind to force things that have been
I just wish things hadn't happened so fast
I just wish you would be my queen again

[This message has been edited by Kevin (edited 05-31-2001).]

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

1 posted 2001-05-31 07:57 PM

i really enjoyed this a lot, kelvin...the poem flows well here and you told your story succinctly without unnecessary chatter...

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

2 posted 2001-05-31 08:09 PM

I love how you kept to the royalty theme all the way through. Good flow. Keep writing.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2001-05-31 10:32 PM

Good job on this one. I like the rhythm in it. Good rhyming too.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

4 posted 2001-05-31 10:42 PM

this goes right to my heart....so sweet and sad all at once....

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-06-01 01:10 AM

sweet poem...i liked it...great job

...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-06-01 12:40 PM

The tone is very torrential... and it works surprisingly well. This had no major shifts, but small ones throughout. Good work on that aspect of this.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-06-02 02:26 PM

Kevin this was sad. I felt this one. i think you are a great poet. This was good, however it lacked something most of your other poems have. I have no idea what.....maybe it was your usual oof! Anyhow, this was a good read.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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