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Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-05-31 03:49 PM

ok i think this one is a really bad tummy ache heh but oh well. ben redshaw the great out!

when it happens
you fall
faster, faster never stopping
falling like the stone does drop
falling
more and more
never slowing
life quickly
ending
always stopping
you are falling
falling fast
almost dieing
quickly quickly

and you hit the floor
and your dead

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
no onw knows the meaning of alone

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

1 posted 2001-05-31 03:57 PM

well, what a quick death, lol...
I like this...but not as much as other things I have read from you. keep trying

STace

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

2 posted 2001-05-31 04:08 PM

well, that was strong, that was really good. i think it is a really good start to a poem but i think if you made it longer, it could be great. but i don't know anything, all i know is that it's better then anything i could write.

i give it

stars out of 5

~!kellie!~

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-31 05:02 PM

good job!...i enjoyed the read

...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

4 posted 2001-05-31 07:52 PM

Don't think those thoughts!! *Smax Ben*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-06-01 12:16 PM

The words "quickly, quickly" seemed imperative... as though something was urging you to fall, as though it was a force of your own will that you were falling. This really got me thinking, and I like thinking so hey! Thanks man!

Great work, Ben... you always have something that lies deeper in your poetry, I love to dig it up and dance around proudly, showing it off to everyone.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2001-06-01 04:21 PM

hey,
i haven't read much of your stuff, but i think i'll start. this one was kool, even if you did sorta imply that it sucked lol. i still liked it =) byyyyyye
-fear-

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-06-02 02:43 PM

Nicely done. I enjoyed this. Didn't have a lot of power like some of yer others, but still, I liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

never_a_princess
Member

since 2001-06-09

Posts 82
Show Me the Money

8 posted 2001-06-10 03:58 PM

bennerz~ not as much emotion as in some of your others but i liked the way you used repetition *hugz* good job...but no think bout death no mores..*smile*
~Anna *waves*

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