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Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

0 posted 2001-05-31 03:08 PM

I wish I could be stronger
sometimes I think I really I am
But then i look in your eyes
and I crumble like a paper doll
I wish I could losen my grip
on what is now only memories
But then I dream of my former happiness
and i hold on tight
I wish my broken heart would heal
It hurts not being able to love
But then i remember what you did to me
and my heart shatters all over again
I wish I could forget you
and everything you ever gave me
but the truth is I just can't let go
I'm not supposed to love you anymore...

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

sexychick
Junior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 19
Michigan, Bay City

1 posted 2001-05-31 03:12 PM

thats a really great poem i like it so much its really good and tells what you really feel. great job.

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-05-31 03:18 PM

this didn't really flow to me. it's good, and I like the emotion behind it. it just doesn't flow. but..good job.

STace

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

3 posted 2001-05-31 03:39 PM

wow

that's some powerful stuff you got there, it's really strong. i know what you mean you think you can get over this person, but they always seem in the back of your mind, and you think you can never stop loveing them, well, i hate to tell you this but you can't, well, i can't. the pain of losing the person is always in the back of your mind and you really never stop loveing them, even though the love does die off a little it's always there. maybe its just me you never know. i might be the only crazy one in the world, oh well.

~!kellie!~

KeLicious
New Member

since 2001-05-24

Posts 9
PA, USA

4 posted 2001-05-31 04:38 PM

~hey,
great job on this poem!! I can really realte to how you feel. For me, love is the best way i can write poems, because there is so much emotion. I loved the imagery u used, great work,... keep it up!!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-31 05:04 PM

sad...i think you did quite well on expressing it

...great job!...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

6 posted 2001-06-01 04:15 AM

A poem about wishes!  *gets starry eyed*  I can't believe I didn't see this earlier... it's a poem about wishes!  *drools over the poem*  Yeah!  I didn't scare people off when I drooled over the last wish poem that I managed to see on Page 1... ^^  Yay!  hehehe  This poem will get a reply, whether the author likes it or not!  Err... yeah. ^^;

Okie!  First and foremost, in case you couldn't already figure it out from the drooling in the previous paragraph, I love poems about wishes and thus, I have an automatic positive bias. ^^  So be forwarned if you think I missed something or didn't mention something... it's just sheer self-induced blindness at the whole idea of a wishful poem. ^_^v  I love these poems...

Anyways, your poem works kind of strange, in my opinion. ^^  It looks almost like you could break the poem into a 3-1-3-1 line scheme to get it to read really well, because that's the way the poem seems to flow... there's three lines that flow together, and then one line which sort of stands alone right after those three lines have finished off.

But, even breaking it off in that fashion doesn't help, because those fourth lines really become isolated and make the poem feel really aloof and distant... which is an interesting effect, but not the one the poem currently gives. ^^  Right now, the poem gives a different impression... more melancholy and depressed than aloof and distant. ^^  So...

Globbing the entire poem together might not be the wisest choice for a poem with a flow like this. ^^;  Not sure how it could be done differently... but that's just my suggestion... I honestly think that you might want to consider making use of manual line breaks in various areas to give the reader a full sense of your flow rather than mild frustration at the idea that the whole poem doesn't flow together when it's globbed in one big chunk.

Anyways! ^^  I thought the poem had a soft echo to it... the ending wasn't exactly fitting with the rest of the poem, and the need for line breaks kind of hurt the poem just a little, but beyond that, the poem really had few flaws that I could really notice when I was reading through it. ^^  And given that it's about wishing, I read through it alot... hehehe

Loved this post, and hope you post more in the future!  Until next time, eh?  ^_^v  Bye bye!

- holatuwol

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-06-02 03:40 AM

Well done here. I really liked this poem. It's something that I can relate to very much. You expressed this beyond well. It was down right kick butt. The ending exhibited so much sadness....it just hit me. I enjoyed this one very much, but hope you are ok.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-06-03 01:47 AM

i really liked this one...very nice

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