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Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2001-05-31 12:22 PM

I’ve read a poem so beautiful
But what am I to do
The person that wrote it
is half way round the world.
If only I could reach to her
I’d take her in my arms
And hold her tight
Never let her go.

But I’m sitting here in no mans land
With a vision of what she look like
When she’s really only a kiss away
From where I’m standing.
Even though
She’s thousands of miles down the road.

I touch the screen while reading
the poem that she wrote
got tills down my spine
and a tear ran from my eye.
If only her could hear me cry
Out her name here tonight
I’d hold her tight
Never let her go.

But now I’m walking through no mans land
With a dream of what she look like
When she’s really only a kiss away
From where I’m standing.
Even though,
She’s thousands of miles down the road.

To many feelings are building up inside of me
But I ca not stop reading her poem
Now it’s to late, I’ve fallen in love
With someone I’ve never even met
Never spoken,
only read the work of her mind.

And now I’m running through no mans land
Trying to reach my dream witch is her
When she’s really only a kiss away
From where I’m standing.
Even though,
She’s thousands of miles down the road.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-31 12:51 PM

AMAZING! I think a lot of people can relate to this poem. So many people in here have crushes on the fellow poets on this site.....your poem just reaches out to them. It's so wonderful. Great job on this one. I truly loved it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-05-31 12:56 PM

I like this and I can definately relate.
*coughs*avoiding the subject*cough*
anyway, stay strong, and I hope you sent this to her!

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

3 posted 2001-05-31 01:09 PM

hey this is a really realy good poem, is it about someone. if so they are really lucky to have a guy like you, this is so good, i think i might add it to my libary, but i don't know how to, ill ask kimmie. well when i figure it out ill put it in, i just wish my boy could wirte something like that.

~!kellie!~

sexychick
Junior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 19
Michigan, Bay City

4 posted 2001-05-31 03:16 PM

Hey thats a really good poem i like it a lot, i would really like to read more good job

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-31 04:55 PM

wow!...awesome...i bet lot...i mean..A LOT...will relate to this...amazing job on writing this...i loved it...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

6 posted 2001-06-01 04:33 AM

*heavy sigh*  You know what... I think Javi's right... there's just so many ways you can get seduced by the charm of someone you've never met... and just drawn in by their writing. ^_^  I'm sure that there are lots of secret crushes all over Passions... I wonder if any of them will ever surface, eh?  hehehe  Only time will tell...

Minor problem:  second line in the last stanza... do you mean "witch" or "which"?  Both would give a different message to the poem, a different echo to the ending... right now, I'm reading it as a typo, but maybe it's supposed to be "witch" and I'm reading the ending the way it's not meant to be read. ^^;  hehehe  I apologize if this assumption was made in error.

Anyways, the message that's presented is definitely all-too-familiar, and it was very well done.  The flow was really even, and the echo something that I could relate to more than most of the other poems that have been posted so far.  It was simple, sweet, and altogether lovely, but that's probably just a bias towards the subject and towards the style. ^_^;

To me, the ending seemed to be the weakest part of the poem... everything else seemed almost perfect.  The ending didn't fit anything together, nor did it leave you with a thought or any sense of completion.  It just seemed kind of a muddled ending... not one done in haste (somehow, it seemed like a planned ending), but certainly one that might need a little tweeking to flow with the poem better or leave a more impressionable echo on the reader.

In either case... *thumbs up*  A very well done poem and an excellent read... of course, given that it's getting late, maybe my perception's screwy... hehe ^^;  I loved the poem nevertheless... the familiarity of it all was touching and sweet and, well, it's a good thought to go to sleep with, somehow, despite how lonely it is.

Hope to see more from you!  Until next time...

- holatuwol

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