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zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

0 posted 2001-05-31 11:10 AM

-I found this poem between all my notes in the mess in my bedroom.. dont know when I wrote it, but I suppose it's some years ago...I kinda' like it. It's different. Please tell me what you think..?-

The air is
          in you
I can feel it

You're the air
The air is you

Every
      breath
   I take
         ITS YOU
And when
I look up
           at the sky
I SEE YOU

When I
hear
the wind
I HEAR YOU

aIr.          AiR
     Air
          Air

you're air
my love
oh my love
you're air

When I hear
your            voice
     Its the wind
     who whispers

When I listen
It's air     to your breathing

I look         into
       your
eyes

I see the sky

Please
Never
Disappear

Air   My Love
You're air

Fire and air
That's    what     you     are

the one
H E  W H O  I S  A I R

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-31 12:40 PM

Well done! I liked this one. The formatting and style kept me reading with anticipation of it all. I liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-05-31 12:59 PM

I like this. it's an interesting format for a poem, but not the most interesting I've seen. I can actually understand this. I like your idea behind it.

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

3 posted 2001-05-31 01:04 PM

hey this is a really good poem. you are a really good poet. keep up the good work.

~!kellie!~

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

4 posted 2001-05-31 01:48 PM

thanks for commenting

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-31 04:46 PM

interesting format...graet job on writing this

...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-06-01 11:56 AM

Nice, nice work! I like the shift from how you were addressing the reader into apostrophe of addressing the air itself... that was really neat, I also saw a tone shift in that...
You did a great job of shifts in this poem, the formatting magnifies that extremely well.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

7 posted 2001-06-07 01:51 PM

i agree with everyone this was a very interesting poem. good job

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-06-07 02:30 PM

Interesting poem

Beautifully written

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

9 posted 2001-06-08 09:12 AM

again, thank you all.

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