Teen Poetry #4 |
Heartache |
Hidden Junior Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 18Lost in my own world |
Heartache Broken heart Broken wings Broken love Broken dreams Crying heart Crying hurt Crying pain Crying tears Empty heart Empty smile Empty life Empty world One word One feeling One description Heartache **One of the most adventurous things left for us is to go to sleep. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams.** |
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© Copyright 2001 Renee - All Rights Reserved | |||
stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
wow, I hope everything is alright with you. I like the repitition in this poem. and the overall flow is good. Stace I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was so sad. I hope all is well with you. I liked this one a lot though. The way you described it all was so sad and well done. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
sad and you expressed it well thru this poem...great job as i wish you the best ...bye i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The title spoiled the ending, to be honest. I think you should make that more of a mystery, retitle this into something like "One word," but less obvious than that... you know? Without the title this would have a better impact, in my humble opinion. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This gave me such a sense of loneliness.....Hope you feel better. ::Hugs:: |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
wow i loved it! Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that |
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