Teen Poetry #4 |
You Believed in me... |
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
You Believed in me... Three times I reached For southern longing I had Southern comfort I lacked Four times I reached For your lips; Now Five times I reach Five times scarred, bleeding I wish the (queen)would Have faith; I salute her Six times I dare Six times unfair That's me. Six in a million(million) There is only one horizon One chance now six(six) One hand pulling me to reach higher This gloved hand so white like death Too cold Her hand so cold (and dead)to me I release grasp She falls I rise Where I belong.(?) What for?(Romeo) "The heart can think of no devotion |
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© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
Meggie1986 Junior Member
since 2001-05-22
Posts 41California |
Wow, another beautiful poem. I love the whole questioning feeling. This is truely a work of art. The parethasis seemed to be a bit random at first, but after reading it though a couple times, it all seems to fit really well, and they add a lot. Fantastic! *One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
it's really really good, only thing is, I don't really understand it all that much. but that's my fault cuz it's late and I'm tired. I've read through it several times, and the paranthesis still seem random to me... Stace I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
wow, i liked this. good job It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
Okay, the parantheses...they can seem random. The first para:queen refers to the subject, a girl I know(of course). I put it in para because its an optional word only I use for her kind of like a whisper or a second thought. Six and million is echoeing The last two:are dead?Romeo are allusions to the play Romeo and Juliet's big death scene. I trust you know what I'm talking about. If you don't believe me fine. It is a weak explanation, but its late and I'm tired. I hate doing things like explaining my stuff, but I feel this time I went a bit too obscure(yippee). I apologize "The heart can think of no devotion |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was great.....the romeo part confused me but you helped in your explanation. Well done here. I love this new format and style of yours. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
the format was great...and the poem was quite nice...great job!...bye i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ahhhhh..this was good and the explainatipon helped too..like with romeo and stuff..good job on this one...and the echo was great...welll in my head...in cherish land that is....it came out like little half whispers...good effect!...keep posting!!..
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
very good writing here...I liked this one ~SEA |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I'm really glad you have someone who believes in you...its important to have someone like that in your life. Lovely poem...keep on sharin! |
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