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Teen Poetry #4
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stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world

0 posted 2001-05-30 08:53 PM


Look in my eyes,
you can see my soul
A vision of love
My eyes cannot lie.

You see love
You see a struggle
Yet a calm within
that comes from above

I am quite scared
I've never let anyone in
This is my world now..
are you prepared?

You see a waterfall..
those are the tears
I cry inside.
You've caused it all.

All the pain-
All the anger-
All the love-
All the gain-

You've caused it all...
you know how I am
You know I can't help it.
I'm destined to fall.

Take my hand,
And hold on tight.
I need your love,
and for you to understand

Without you I'll fall
And surely die.
I need you so much...
that's why it's you I call.

You stand me back up
on my own two feet.
Caressing my face
as you gently hold me up.

Then comes the kiss,
I'll never regret.
when all is said and done..
it's what I'll miss.

I've never wanted
anyone before
Then you look in my eyes.
and I'm left feeling haunted.

We laugh and love
there in the rain...
you use me and lose me...
fly out like a dove.

Falling in the street
naked and wet
regreting the love...
but you never miss a beat.

You lick your lips
and look my way
what is it you are tryingto say?
you gently put your hands on my hips.

I pull back suddenly infuriated.
I know how you are
and I know your name.
And I dear sir, will NOT be played.

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

© Copyright 2001 Stacy Caudill - All Rights Reserved
the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
1 posted 2001-05-30 09:36 PM


I like the poem I think you should call it the rescue  no just kidding title for it how about simply, YOU, other than that I wouldn't know what to tell you Ah if you need anyone to get you outta the rain I am here lol

The Rescue

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
2 posted 2001-05-30 10:18 PM


you tell him hun! woo hoo! i liked this alot. the overall flow was good i thought. to me this read almost like a song. i liked the ending and all that..but i also liked how you described it all. as for a title....i have no clue cuz i have the same prob with them..newayz great job stace!
tiff


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Just leave me alone and give me some space.

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-30-2001).]

LoneWolf
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384
IL
3 posted 2001-05-30 10:56 PM


Hey, good job on the poem. i liked it a lot. and as for a title i don't know. if i wasn't so tired i would probably be able to think of one for ya, oh well maybe later. anyways great job on the poem.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-05-31 02:20 AM


Well done here. I Liked this one!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
5 posted 2001-05-31 02:46 PM


Great job on this one Stace, Well done I really enjoyed the read   for a title... hmm... No idea... but what ever comes to you first is usually best  
Zu

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-05-31 04:51 PM


yea...im glad you have seen it and noticed the real and fake in your perceptions...i liked the way you told it...great job stace  ...and about title...what about..."you aint getting none tonight?"heheh ...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-31-2001).]

Alyssa
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!
7 posted 2001-05-31 09:17 PM


call it "me, my soul, and I"
its good, really descriptive!

±Ålyssa±

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
8 posted 2001-05-31 09:24 PM


We laugh and love
                               there in the rain...
                               you use me and lose me...
                               fly out like a dove.

awwwww...you did real well on this poem stace...sad but wonderful descriptions!!..i loved it!!..more!! MORE says cherish!!
sorry but i cant think of the name for it....im hopeless when it comes to naming poetry...hahah...just take a look at em..er the names i mean..DONT READ THEM!!...they suck compared to yours hehehe.. ...agpfagp...most definately




"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
9 posted 2001-06-01 12:28 PM


I think the title should be "My eyes."  
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