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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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You |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl 
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What was meant to be has proved evasive, Hiding behind a shimmering web of lies, Thought you my destiny, Now, mere illusion. You're so cold, Stony eyes say it all. Were you always this way? You cackle as harsh words escape. A person I so trusted, I'll now hate you till the end, You abused my friendly mannner, You threw it all away. I lost myself in who I thought you were, Naive even after it fell apart. I must leave you now, Lifting this heavy fog from my life. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Parker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Wow... i would not want to be THAT person! If i were you, i would show him/her this. Maybe s/he can turn him/herself around for you. This was a great poem. Keep them up! Teen Poetry#4 needs us! |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
ouch, sounds like a sad ending with a refreshing begining, anyways great poem, keep it up >¶Øʆ< |
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GirlsBestFriend Member
since 2000-12-27
Posts 71Planet Earth |
this hurts...I'm about to cry. u showed some power though that u can go on. this poem is really great. I'm waiting for more! ~lotsa luv "Isn't it funny how to the world you are nothing? But then to one person..you're the world" |
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Baby Gansta Junior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 24 |
A truly powerful poem, and it seems you would be much better off without that person and I'm glad you realise that. |
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Bright_Eyes Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29Plymouth, MN |
I really like the way you allude to nature, bringing us back to the earth, whether it was intentional or not...(WEB of lies, STONY eyes, HEAVY FOG) This is a great situation to write about, a terrible situation to be in. I hope you're keeping your chin up! I'm glad you realize that you deserve better! Keep smiling and writing! |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
bright eyes pointed out exactly what struck me hard... i really enjoyed this, even though it is hurtful towards you allan shows some intellect in telling you to show this to them... best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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CareBear3 Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 39New Hampshire |
This was really good, I thought it was interesting because of the title. I read it and I expected it to be a happy poem, but it wasn't and I like that twist. Great job. "In great moments life seems neither right nor wrong but something greater it seems inevitable" ~Kelley |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a nice poem. I hope to see you post more......... I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Yes, powerful words as they said, I think this is written very well. "Thought you my destiny, Now, mere illusion." "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
They already said it all but it can't hurt to repeat it. This was a great poem, very powerful, a great read. Sorry to see that so many of your poems are about betrayal. Hope to see more from you. Jason< !signature--> "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-12-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks everbody. Yeah, most of my poems are about betrayal, however it's only about one or two specific people, I don't have a bunch of bad eggs around me. But when things like this happen, making art come from hellish feelings is the ray of light, ya know. At least I can say I learned, and I got something from it. Thanks again. xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
This is a great peice, you expressed these feelings soo well... I hope things pick up for you soon!! Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i totally agree with Allan communication does help a lot and a lack of this is what causes people to assume and end up fighting do give him/her this poem they should understand exactly how you feel great job on this one keep em coming I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
wow i am in a loss for word. I only wish i could respond. This was very powerful and meaningful to you i can see. Thank you for sharing. Wow.. still speechless |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks guys.  I appreciate it.xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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