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Teen Poetry #4
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I guess you can say this has happened... Ah well...ON WORD (<-hehe, get it?) MERRY FOLK! ========== You say you love me But the fire's barely burning You say you want to fill my heart But all I feel is the cold. You say you'll be there for me But all I see Is emptiness that Fills this cold Inside of me. I watch your lips They move without a sound Rather than looking into me You stare at the ground. Ashamed, you feel When you're beside me What have I done to make you feel Like you're drowning in your own sea? You think I deserve better Maybe I do But all I can do right now Is tell you that I love you. You ignore my pleas Insisting you don't deserve me I never knew how hurt and unwanted I could be. You say you'll never hurt me. But all I feel is the pain. Your words slap me in the face It's a miracle I'm not insane. I've become cold and silent I hide behind a mask of illusion You walk away, say you'll come back But all I feel is confusion. I might as well lay dead at your feet And lie there cold on the ground The emptiness eats away at me While my body waits to be found. [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 05-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ohhhhhhhhhh.....i loved the ending...great poem...its a frustrating situation to be in ..but you played the aprt well..  ....good job leah!
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
overall a emotional poem and written nicely on how you feel...the ending was powerful...great job leah...i enjoyed it a lot ...keep writing  ...? i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done here Leah. I enjoy your poems. Hope to see more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
great feeling in this poem, i like the emotion a lot. if i were to make one suggestion it would be to change awaits to waits because the last two lines are very powerful and you don't want to take anything away from the impact of those two lines. just a suggestion though, i really like this piece, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I think "mine's well" is supposed to be "might as well," isn't it? Maybe just a simple typo, or maybe one of those things we simply never learned until later in our lives (for some reason, don't worry I have a ton of those  ).If you'd like a title, I think this is worthy of something long... maybe like "Being too good never felt so bad." Heh... ok maybe not that but you get the idea. Great job on this poem... I'm sorry I haven't been around to get to know you as should I have but I promise I'll start here and continue onward now. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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XFalloutX Junior Member
since 2001-05-13
Posts 31NC |
awwwwwww.....Leah I LOVE YOU!!! lol......*cough*hehe*cough*...lol...never let him go remeber that *insert evil laugh here* XXXXOOOO |
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