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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2001-05-25 02:44 AM

He dials.
She inhales
and her voice spirals
through the phone-lines
and cables.
She exhales...
and hears silence...
She hears him breathing.
He inhales,
like a virus,
the sound-waves streaming
through the phone-lines.
He exhales...
He begins to whisper
into the phone lines.
She inhales.
She smiles,
but before he can say he missed her,
the time expires
and she exhales....

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-25 04:42 AM

Well done........the poem was really great and you wrote it so well. It really got me going while reading it. Wonderfully written!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-25 05:17 AM

written very nicely...the images was so real...your sylte is great...hope to see more...and keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

3 posted 2001-05-25 06:21 AM

Well, it doesn't seem the usual for you Master, but yeah I agree, it's still a great poem.

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

4 posted 2001-05-25 08:13 AM

this is great. it draws you in and keeps you there. well done.
katie

if you don't let them in they can't see the real you

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

5 posted 2001-05-25 12:04 PM

This is really good, I love the rhytym of it. Great work.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-05-25 12:04 PM

like everyone said....this was great!!...the short lines made it seem more realistic..

...good job...it was really sensual...

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

7 posted 2001-05-25 01:11 PM

I like the poem just the whole was it was set up was good and then the ending actually suprised me I thought it was written well.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

8 posted 2001-05-25 02:56 PM

Hmmmm, interesting poem here. I can almost imagine it. Keep writing.

Jenn

"If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari

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