»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Anaesthetic
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Anaesthetic |
|
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
|
Anaesthetic. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... I’m breathing still alive, Six... Seven... Eight.... Nine Everything is going fine... Ten... Eleven... Twelve... in pain, See your eyes hurting again, Thirteen... Fourteen... drifting away, Watcing the world swing and sway, Fifteen... Sixteen... Seventeen again, Cannot make my feelings plain, Eighteen... and my life starts to end, Here comes our time we start to blend. --Zu |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Zu, this was really cool! |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
IT was ok....not my fav by you. It was a good idea, but still....I think you could have done this one a bit better.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
creative...marsha!!...great poem...i enjoyed the "uniqueness"  ...haha...and this reminded me of "nightmare on elm street"  ...b..bu...but...keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-24-2001).] |
||
|
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i liked this one...a nice innovation to the one two buckle my shoe....i know that thats not exacctly where you were going...but i liked this all the same..AGPFAGP!!..hahah..figure that one out!! "Life is not long and boring, |
||
|
vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Ooooh creepy. This was really interesting.  ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
and...AGPFAGP!!..i know what it means  if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
||
|
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Zu, I have to agree with Dopey. I thought it was a really great idea, but the intenseness(if that is a word) of the poem dwindled after the first two lines. It was OK, but I have seen better from you. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Interesting poem Zu, but i'd like to get a little explanation on this. appreciate it I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!! |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hmmm Zu...The rhyme from the numbers really gave it that extra something. I'm going to add it to my library for the simple fact I really want to delve into this a bit more. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved." |
||
|
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
great job Zu, I liked this one.  I know you're in a better place and though I cannot see your face, I know you're smiling down on me, saying everything's okay. ~R Kelly (I wish) |
||
|
stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
well Zu, this isn't your best piece, but it's still good in almost every respect. I still like it, if my opinion counts for anything, that is. I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
