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Teen Poetry #4
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My Brother Overtone
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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My Brother Overtone |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
"Brother! Brother! Overtone! I screamed for him as I cried the tragic news I must pass on and comfort I did seek My Brother...Savior held me in his arms as I wept upon his strong shoulder and told him of their death Brother, Brother, Overtone now my mother and my father comforter, gaurdian and protector Overtone...Everything is he to me My Brother....Friend with me through thick and thin always there with a helping hand and a dagger on the ready Brother, Brother, Overtone a better person then I always has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye My Brother...Life gaurds my well being as I provide with a slip of the hand he watches in a fighters stance Brother, Brother, Overtone would give his life for mine he suspects the worse thing I could do yet still uncondionally he loves me My Brother...Brother his name conceals his heart he is more then meets the eye himself a master of deceit Brother, Brother, Overtone who is everything to me protects me with his honour and grace as I do the same for him? [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-24-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I like the question you ended on in this piece.  Nicely done.I also like the exchange between the non-repitition lines at the start of each other stanza. I think this was well thought-out. The way you portrayed the brother and sister from the sister's eyes in here is excellent... I like seeing this kind of a shift in perception. I also loved stanza six... how it detailed their money-gaining process. Neato.  Great work, sis!  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one Tiff. Very well written and I liked the ending with the question. Well done here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
*takes your hand in his and raises it to his lips and softly kisses the back of your hand* *nods in answer* *loves the poem and loves you* *leaves the room as silently as he came in* *and leaves a whisper floating in the air* great poem tiffany i love you ben i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
definitly the last lines was graet...i liekd this poem overall...graet job and keep writing tiff...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
PAGE 1!!! I really like this piece! The RPG really sounds fun, and it's great that you can draw such inspiration from it! Great work here, thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
the question mark at the end was a nice touch. I love this piece. "It's too cold in the world...too cold to be alone..." - >¶Øʆ< |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
You TOO have an unhealthy obsession.  jkTiff, you are always coming out with these really good pieces that I don't know how much more praise I can give you!! Very cool last stanza. ~AF~ Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved." |
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