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Teen Poetry #4
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Patience for Me
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Patience for Me |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
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Patience for Me Tap. Dust in your eye Tap. Heaviness of the sky Tap. Weighs your heart Tap. Down to earth .... And tears it apart Beat.Shallow are your feelings Breath.On the roof above ceilings stop. And heaven's fingers dance with thine Fly...Crack of cord strum of mind Cry. Dust in your eye Softly tear down cheek Stop. Down to earth Tick. She's waiting Tock. I can't go to her Tick. To hold and nurture Sigh. She is not free She has no patience for me She can't wait She is not dead like me She is not mine Poryphria arise. But I am her unknown She is my excuse For hysteria --------------------- I have mixed feelings about this one. I'm not quite sure what to think of it. That's where you folks come in. "The heart can think of no devotion |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
honestly...i loved this! i am just getting into the whole stream of consciousness and this piece (whether intentional or not) is definitaly an example of it. the only thing i would change is towards the end..you seem to lose the effect of the rest of the poem..other than that..this thing rox! me |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
good job on the poem...different but interetsing...keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
It looks like an extended, improved, more in depth version of POA's style of writing. The one worded style he used butthis time it's more in depth and so on. I liked it very much!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
this is definetly a change of pace to the usual poems around here~awesome though..i really liked it. keep up stuff like this! *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
I liked this alot! It was different.. maybe that's why I liked it.. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Very interesting. Nice work on this one
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Raven Skye Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112.In a House. |
this piece was very....wow...i enjoyed it very much. keep up the good work. *×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×* |
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