Teen Poetry #4 |
Circles |
Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Circles closing in on me, Circles only I can see, Circles causing me to sin, Circles close to me again, Circling closing in the dark, Circles spinning on the mark, Circles spinning all around, Circles falling to the ground, Circles crying in the night, Circles giving me the sight, Spinning in circles once again, Someone please stop me from spinning again. "No one holds command over me. |
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© Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey this was cool. kind of hard for me to describe what i felt when i read it...dizziness? i know that sounds stupid but oh well. did i mention the poem was greaaaaaaat? well now i did. bye bye -fear- |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hehe...i liekd this brought me a ...thnaks for sharing this poem...enjoyed it a lot... ...? if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ahh you had an awesome rhythm goin on here but it went bubbye in that last stanza...well this was such a simple, yet such a complex poem....Enjoyed by me... ~Carly "I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage..." ~Third Eye Blind~Camouflage |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
the repitition kept the flow perfect up until, as carly said, the last stanza. i still think you did an awsome job on this, i like it a lot. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one. You did well. Hope to see more. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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