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obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

0 posted 2001-05-21 08:00 PM

I smell something burning,
and i wonder if it's on the stove
or in my voice:
my voice, my vice, a struggle against synonyms.

The scent of burning plastic reminds me of perfume,
a cheap one, not something i'm likely to wear
because i've always chosen european senses
and the parfum de pays they prefer.

There isn't any comfortable coherence in the smell
of a multi-hour masterpiece versus one too many digits
mashed on a microwave in memory of TV Dinners:
i used to eat the ones that came with bugs bunny brownies.

I am reminded of my OCD ancestors
checking stoves, locks, lights
for countless hours into the dawn:
to me, dawn is something forsaken, if not impossible.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-21 08:11 PM

different but interetsing...i enjoyed the read...keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

2 posted 2001-05-22 10:17 AM

very coolimagery in this one, i loved the way you wrote this poem. i really liked the first stanza, you drew me right into this, but i thought that the last stanza left a little to be desired. overall you did an excellent job, i like this a lot.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

3 posted 2001-05-22 11:10 AM

Awesome imagery in this piece. I love how you didn't follow any particular form or rhyme scheme. It was like everything came straight from your mind and it was beautiful. Keep it up.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-05-22 07:11 PM

This is nice... but I have an opposite view of it to Nikki. I didn't like the lack of formatting.
I think if you put some scheme to this I would personally enjoy it a lot more, but don't do that just to satisfy me.

The thoughts in here are solid, I loved them immensely. Very, very good job.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

5 posted 2001-05-22 07:19 PM

i like the imagery but it was a little confusing until i really caught on..lol but good job..and i like how there is no specific format.
*KiMMiE*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-05-22 10:54 PM

Allan thrives on format and scheme......get used to that one there

I liked this one....I liked it a lot. You did very well on this.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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