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Mutter (villanelle)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Mutter (villanelle) |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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I kiss goodbye my Sunday afternoons I'm touched again with life I've never seen Companions are no longer my cocoon The children hold the remnants of balloons They've found beneath the valleys rich and green I kiss goodbye my Sunday afternoons From memories you see I am immune I wonder what my mother really means Companions are no longer my cocoon I've known the flesh eternities too soon The fault of all mutations is the gene I kiss goodbye my Sunday afternoons A bullet hits the glass of Mother's womb We'll watch her weep upon the tragic scene Companions are no longer my cocoon So take my heart and find my perilune I'm lost and need your words to intervene I kiss goodbye my Sunday afternoons Companions are no longer my cocoon |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done here carly! This was such a wonderful poem. You write so well and I constantly tell you this...so believe it woman, believe it. This one was great!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Elusive^ Junior Member
since 2001-05-13
Posts 18dancing fairy land |
not sure if it was intended..but sadness and I think, regret and longing seeps from your words.. This is something that's like a crystal..people see different colours when holding it at different angles to the light.. Keep writing..this is intriguing..  ''I'll TAKE a QUIET life..a HANDSHAKE of CARBON monoxide with NO alarms AND no SURPRISES..'' |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I like the way Elusive described this piece, and I agree. This was very very good, I liked it alot and it is going in my library. I am curious as to what the form of this poem is though... ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
this is amazing! I especially loved the image of the womb. The German title had a great effect with the reference later on. Amazing "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
 ?...hehe...carly this was beautiful...i enjoyed every second that i was reading it...thanks for the wonderful read...cya~...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Well done Carly, i enjoyed this immensely and you managed to develop the theme through out the poem... well done *in awe* Zu |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wonderful, Carly. Especially the title. Very nice use of German there.  You're a star, girl.  ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
beautiful writing carly, this is really amazing poetry i loved every line of this, it goes straight to the library Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
hey Carly, I really like this. . . it's got a good form, and you really understand how to use it well. . . it makes you think. . . and shows what happens when you leave that cocoon. . . it kinda reminded me of Emily Dickinson in a way, although she would have never written one this long! But her style and tone are there. . . excellent. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Carly this was wonderful. i enjoyed it lots. great job hunnAy. *hugs* love ya muchs!tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Simply beautiful words, Carly. I enjoyed this so much. I love villanelles! This one's another one that's goin back to the first page where it belongs. Beautiful work. I enjoyed this. Well done. --Marie "You're the girl of my nightmares, erotic and skull-faced. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I just love villanelle's and this one is no exception. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I thank you, Zu. (and a belated thanks to anyone who replied above and might read this)empty arms |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Two years later is beyond belated.  Oh, and did anyone get the double-meaning of the title??? I thought that was brilliant!! |
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