Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Life Of Fantasy, The Dream Of Reality |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
The Life Of Fantasy, The Dream Of Reality Is this life or fantasy I will never know I'll escape reality and hide away in sorrow Nearing the end of this dream I don't want to die I'll wake up and scream and maybe I'll cry I have thrown it all away and my heart is in pain here is where I lay on top my bed, slain Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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© Copyright 2001 Aaron B. - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
whoaa...this hit me hard...i loved this poem...great job Aaron ...hope to see more!!... ![]() if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-21-2001).] |
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Elusive^ Junior Member
since 2001-05-13
Posts 18dancing fairy land |
yes..what is 'reality', i wonder.. I liked this alot..and the last line, 'slain'..life kills. Keep posting ![]() ''I'll TAKE a QUIET life..a HANDSHAKE of CARBON monoxide with NO alarms AND no SURPRISES..'' |
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Child of the Stars![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Interesting...I liked this, though some of the rhymes seemed really forced. Loved the concept, keep it up. ![]() ~Carly "I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage..." ~Third Eye Blind~Camouflage |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i loved the last stanza of this, the ending is really cool. i think you did an excellent job on this piece, keep postingall your work ![]() Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Last stanza....amazing....the ending....wonderful. You really did well on this one low man. I enjoyed this very much! ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Thanks for all your replies, this is an odd one by me but I am glad you all enjoyed it. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Linc![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Wonderful ![]() -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Terryloveiris_85 Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 61The middle of nowhere |
This was a really good piece of work! ~IRIS ![]() i'd give eternity to be by your side-goo goo dolls/City of Angels soundtrack |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I somewhat agree with Carly..some of the rhymes just..I don't know, just didn't seem to flow well together or something. Maybe playing around with syllables might help a bit, but that's just my own humble opinion. Anyway, its a great one Low man. Loved the ending! -Kosetsu "No one holds command over me. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I enjoyed this a lot. ![]() Especially the last stanza. Just...WHAMO. *passes out* anyway, keep it up. ¤¢Hå§ïÑg RåIñ¤ |
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