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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Stars |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Night has come I lay awake Reflecting on My life's mistakes. I wander out Beneath the Milky moon And stand Before the Sky While a cricket Hums a Tune. I stand entranced Before the stars So heavenly And perfect My memories Marked by Scars. The twilight shatters The silence of The world Nothing moves Nothing But the shimmer Of the stars. [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 05-17-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this is really good  |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I like it good as well, but the line sizes were a bit sloppy in places and that was harmful to the flow. You started out leading me along with a really fast-paced scheme and then the lines got longer. Still a great ending. And a good title.~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yea the lines were sloppy....but i did enjoy it. I know what you were tryin to do and you almost got it....follow allan's "dadaDADA" theory and some of his tips and you'll do fine hehe. Well done on it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I liked it a lot I've seen some of the replies and I personally disagree with them. But, to each his/her own  Keep sharing thanks for the beautiful read I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!! |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
ya know...I've actually done that before...it's a quite refreshing expirence... and you portray it so very well!! great job!! *s* Stace Although teenagers claim independence and idealism, we have a common need for guidance, love, a shoulder to occasionally cry on, and at times a close |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiufl poem...written nicely...i enjoyed this a lot...thanks for sharing it and hope to see more...  ...?i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I don't think the lines are sloppy at all. They add to the thoughts. The cricket part really brought a smile to this face. I don't know why. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ Know what you want. Become your real self. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Very well done... Zu |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
I liked this and stars rock! hehe  Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that |
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