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Teen Poetry #4
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chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-05-16 11:27 PM


I try too hard sometimes...

======
You've got that dark smile on your face
That look in your eyes
Far from grace
Who knows what you're thinking now?
As you stare down at us from the ground. Yeah.

Shifting emotions all around me
They whisper in my ear
They let me see what you're made of
And who you are.
What do you have to show me?

You show me the world from the darkside of the moon
I can hear the darkness cry
The light that hits your face cannot be seen
Cannot be felt
Empty illusions fill my head

I'm running away to hide
From the truth you hold inside your eyes.
I'm hungry for your secret
That you lock away
From the outside.
I'm coming back to see
The truth you hold back from me
I need to know how you feel
And what you can be...

They say you feel
Nothing but I know you hide
From the world around
And I see that all
Is not what it seems
'Cause I can read your eyes...
Deep inside.
I think I know your secret...



© Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-17 01:36 AM


interesting...i iked what you were discribing in this poem...great job and keep writing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2001-05-17 02:41 AM


For me, this seemed to have a Counting Crows feel to it. Quite deep with a fairly good flow through it.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
3 posted 2001-05-18 08:50 AM


this flowed very nicely, i like the way you wrote this a lot.  the dark imagery was enjoyable throughout.  good job, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-05-18 05:55 PM


I have seen better from you, but it was still good.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-05-21 10:12 AM


very interesting read.  I guess you are into dark poetry.  and hey, here's 2 cents   lol
Not like Dopey, I think this is one of your best that I've read so far.  keep it up and keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
6 posted 2001-05-21 11:46 AM


This was great, and my 2¢ are on its way to your house!

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
7 posted 2001-05-21 07:10 PM


WOO! I'M RICH! lol
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