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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Permanent Changes ( Free Verse.) |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. 
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See- You people were so nice to me when I finally got the guts to post one of my "poems" that I thought I'd grace you with another. ( Aren't you regretting that now? ) I wrote this last night. I couldn't sleep. I had so many thoughts and feelings in my head that I just had to let out. And I did, Through my pencil. So although this has no pattern, no rhyme scheme, no meters- in fact- it just looks like talking....It still means alot to me. It's me. It's how I feel. Maybe the way I wrote it shows you the emotion in it??? I don't know. I just couldn't see it rhyming or anything. Oh well. Probably just me. So here! ~Permanent Changes.~ Something has changed. I never catch you looking at me anymore. That cute sideways grin is rarely shot my direction. You aren't rushing home to talk to me. Where's the I love you's? The hugs The kisses Why is everything vanishing? Was it something I did or said? Or perhaps Something I didn't. I want to cry now No- Die. I hope someday you hurt like me. Yes, Things have changed. You are looking at her again. Charming her with your grins and wits. Spending "our" quality time My time With her instead. The I love you's The hugs The kisses She has them again. I said I loved you. I helped you heal. I want to hate her. But I can't. You see- All she did was whistle- You were the one that ran back. So- Here's a change for you to chew on. And sweetheart, this change is permanent. I won't be looking at you again. My love My kisses My all Gone. I'm not helping you again. Yes- I say again. There will be a time you need me. You will need me to tend your wounds. Because trust me, she'll burn you again. Just like you did me. I want to laugh at you now But I'll wait till your hurting. I'm sure I won't be waiting long. [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 05-16-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jessica L. Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
"I want to hate her. But I can't. You see- All she did was whistle- You were the one that ran back. So- Here's a change for you to chew on. And sweetheart, this change is permanent." HAHAHA this part is great, it's my fave! Nice work   ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow....this really hit me.....strange....very strange aswell. It's funny cuz i'm in the same.....the same exact situation....and it sounds like this poem is speaking to ME......I enjoyed the poem though. very nicely done.....chilling....very chilling.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I really like this one. You do great with free verse. It still had some poetic element to it that still makes it poetry obviously. Sorry you are going through this. :Hugz: *~*Amanda*~* |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this is incredible writing, you certainly did capture a lot of emotion in this poem. each line has you poured into it and the fnal product turned out beautifully wonderful job, keep posting.Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
You like me! You really like me! HaHa Seriously though- I was afraid to post this one because I thought so highly of it. Not that it's anything amazing at all- It's just that it was me- My emotions- my feelings at the time...and to reject it- would be to reject me...and I couldn't take that. But thanks so much for the praise in it. It means alot to me. Suga_Baby- That was my favorite part too! HaHa- I got to have an attitidue-I got to be strong. I loved that part. And saying she whistled- he can running back- symbolized the dog in him. hahahahaha. And Dopey_Dope- Good. It was suppose to hit you hard. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hey!...im back to reply...i liekd this one...obviously a emotional peiece quite powerful...i like dit lots...and i hope you show youri grace again...sometime soon...hehe...keep writing...  ...? if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Suga picked out my favourite part too. I just got an image of a Warner Bros. cartoon when that part was read. It's a great piece with powerful feelings. It always helps to get this stuff out of you. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
well. as carly once told me when talking about writting "San you have very good thoughts you just dont have the gift", i think this is definetly something MORE than just thoughts. it is so nicely explained and detailed. Guys overall suck. exept for a few, and those few normally dont have an ex-girlfriend to run back to. *hint**hint* I think im going to bed. this was a nice read to finish the day. San, the wise |
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HeAvEnS AnGeL Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 168The Hot Girl From Canada |
I loved this poem! I was in this very same situation not to long ago and it brang the memories flooding back You have a beautiful gift and he is just giving you the oppertunity to share it with the world and hunny dont worry someone else will relize how great you are and they will laugh at him |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Ahhh i loved this poem!!!! You go gurl!!! LoL Stupid guy..i cant believe he would do this to you!! Guys can be so annoying that way. You did the right thing tho..you took control and wouldnt allow him to hurt u...i really do hope you laugh in his face when he gets hurt again! Great job on this on... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Once again....well done on the poem..... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Talking about pouring your heart out Passions in Poetry in writing I like it when feelings are just written down as is No worrying of the rhyme scheme or meter. That's why I love free verse. I believe it shows more emotion And you just proved my thoughts to be right I loved the read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. [This message has been edited by acire (edited 05-22-2001).] |
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Maynard Junior Member
since 2001-06-29
Posts 12IL |
nice, i like the aggressive tone towards the end "I have nothing to tell you or sell you for the moment... but thank you for asking." |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
this was good. i liked this .  fall hard, practice harder not to fall |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I just had to reply to this again. Reading this and reading some of your other pieces really does show how far you have come as a poet, Jesa. You have grown so much and are able to show so much more in your poetry now. I love seeing poets hit a stage where they just change their style completely. Well done on this too. It read a lot like someone we all know about. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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