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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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J'adore |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl 
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Only you, My heart does see, My dreams came true, The one for me. Since I was small, I've had a need, To learn to fall, My urge to feed. And everyday, I can feel, All you say, Is always real. Now I stand, With anxious want, Just hold my hand, Now minutes taunt. My thoughts, for you, A soul to match. In all you do, A perfect catch! ~Written for the one who always understands me. Hey I know it's cheesy, but oh well! I like it anyway!!  ~"If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Parker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
it isn't cheesy, the short lines you used here made the flow nearly perfect, i liked this piece a lot. i almost didn't open it because of the french title, i'm failing that subject horribly. anyway, great job, keep writing. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Not cheezy Jenn. Nice job. I know you hate restricting yourself with rhyme and such but you did a good job on this one. I loved it Jason [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 05-16-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks guys!!! Well, as to the french title, it's a secret between him and I. Sort of an inside joke. I'm glad you liked it!!! "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
cheesy...huh?...what!?!...haha...but yea...and i think you scared some peoples with that french title  ...anyways...i thought this was a sweet poem and quite cute...finally you posting again...LOL  ...but..yea...cya~...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh yeah, you're cheesy! lol jk The last stanza is just so sweet. The french title is cool. That is about the extent of my French so it's good you didn't write the whole thing in French.  ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Write the WHOLE thing in French...? You crazy? I barely passed my OPI in the subject..haha!! Thanks to you all for your replies!! Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
A French obsession compels me; please forgive my passion: Seulement toi, Ce que mon coeur voit, Mes rêves se realisent, Ceci pour moi. Depuis mon enfance, J'ai un tel besoin, d'apprendre à tomber, Mon urge à nourrir. Et tous les jours, Je sens, Tous ce que tu dis, C'est toujours vrai. Maintenant je suis debout, Avec un désir anxieux, Que tu me tienne la main, Maintenant les minutes raillent. Mes pensées, pour toi, Une âme qui va ensemble, Dans tous ce que tu fais, Un accord parfait! Ok, it's out of my system now. I've been trying to refrain from French in my poetry, but thanks for the outstanding title! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Did you just retype my poem in French? Wow. Maybe I should give him that version. Thanks for your reply "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Now why would you say it's cheezy!? OMG I thought it was wonderful =) and quite adorable and all those other adjectives and so forth..hehehe ok so I'm doped up on cold meds we all will get over it..but keep it up..the more I read of happy poems the more my soul smiles =) Tmd, Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
No Jenn he prolly wouldn't understand the french version hehe. I think he likes the english one better.  |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Great work Jenn! And great French OOC! ( showoff)I think you should ask OOC for persmission to alternate a bit with stanzas in here... maybe the two of you could collaborate or something on a French AND English version, with alternations between the languages? If OOC would put rhyme to his/her part that would make it even better.  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I wonder who this is about!  Well done. I enjoyed this poem....and the french version....erm....yea that one too.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
LOL@ Dopey... I don't know.... Thanks for your reply tho, means a lot. "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You've done really well on this one Jenn. I too wonder who it's for. AIM me the next tiem if you wanna learn French "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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