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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
i'm not exactly sure what this is...boredom does weird things to ya i guess. hope at least one of u likes it lol. This world has forgotten me all that's left is my poor soul. doesn't matter if i live or die no one will care... no one will cry. what is this hell, that you call life? well i dont think i wanna know. i feel alone i feel betrayed trapped inside of your dark soul. your shadow roams my mind leaving only darkness behind. everyday i weaken, slowly from your lies. well i can't take this anymore. -fear- |
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| © Copyright 2001 bergundy - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this was a poem i truly related to as i liked this poem throughout but you seemed like you had more to say after the last verse..and i think you should finish that thought even tho its not a good one..it just semed something was missing out...other then that i think this was good poem full of emotions...thanks for the read...  if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I thought this was a great job although in my mind I think that maybe the ryhme in the 5th stanza kinda spoils it (this however is just my opinion). Anyway thanks for sharing I enjoyed the read.  Mr Mr Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
I can relate to this poem also... hell I've written some like it. Anyway, in reply to what albert said, I kinda like the feeling of an unfinished thought with this particular piece.. IMO. Anyway, good work, I liked it. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This was really intruiging and I like the standpoint that you were writing from. I agree with al that you should add more to the poem, because it seems like it ended kind of abruptly. Not a diss at all, just saying that it was written so well that it would be even better if there was more to it!! Good job. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
you put a lot of feeling into this piece, i thought that it was excellent writing. great job, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Silver Butterfly Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42Between here and the end |
Well, the poem wasn't bad, but when I got to the ending I was really disappointed. If I were you I would rethink the last line. Ciao [This message has been edited by Silver Butterfly (edited 05-14-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this one. Seems like a vent to me....not out of bordome but ....well you were a bit pissed or something hehe. I enjoyed it though.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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dramaqueen22086 Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 50Hadlyme, CT |
I adored this piece a lot…. I think you are a very good, writer, you should put some of your stuff in a book… and sell it I know I would buy it, if it were me….great job again ~!kellie!~ p.s i wish i got bored like you. g if i could only write like that |
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HeAvEnS AnGeL Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 168The Hot Girl From Canada |
I really liked this poem sometimes people can make you feel this way but don't worry things willl look up |
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