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Teen Poetry #4
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MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-11 09:21 PM



As I take a summer walk, everything is brighter
The birds are comfortably louder
The sun comfortably brighter
I hear a dog bark in the distance in the valley
Care-free children chasing the fluttering butterfly
The smell of newly cut grass.

The unnoticed squirrel seems excessively happy
I reach the little store. Old dusty cars parked with their cricking motors. Blinding reflection of the sun bounces off the windows. I greet a stranger.
He seems happy just to recieve a friendly smile.

I almost shiver as I feel the rush of cold air in the store that feels like home. More happy children contemplating what kind of candy to try next. The sound of laughter and the faint clinking of coins in pockets.

Back outside, the smell of gasoline quickly comes and goes as the blackbird on the fence post.
As I take a summer walk.
The sweet peaceful freedom of a Summer walk

Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually...

Why do people remind me of vacuums?

© Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-11 09:48 PM


great picture you left in my mind..i really liked how you wrote this..it was like i was there or something...keep writing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
2 posted 2001-05-11 10:49 PM


Excellent job of bringing the reader into your writing.  You show your walk and its effects very well!

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
3 posted 2001-05-12 12:25 PM


gawwsh sounds like a lil countrAy town in albamas:P
likes this muchs!
lols *bumps*  
*hugs her ewoksters* loves yas muchs dorks
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"u say i only here wut i want too..."

Angel Bee
Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176
Virginia
4 posted 2001-05-12 01:22 PM


This was a good poem, I enjoyed it, keep writing. :o)
~ab~

*~"Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again--because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts."~*

Hacas
Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25

5 posted 2001-05-12 02:10 PM


I really liked this poem, keep writtin'.

"Fight for what you believe in"
"Stay yourself no matter what people say"

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
6 posted 2001-05-12 02:32 PM


it's cute!!!!!!!! really like it!! keep writing!!! please?!?!?! lol.
talk to ya later!!
Stace

IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING!!!

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-14 06:23 PM


~*stands up and applauds*~
you deserve that  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-05-18 04:40 PM


Hey I really liked this one. You have a very good style. I really hope to see you post more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

dramaqueen22086
Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT
9 posted 2001-05-18 04:44 PM


i thought this piece was really good.... i haven't read much of your work but i will next time i see somthing, that has your name one it.... i think you are a great writter keep up th good work...
~!kellie!~

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