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Teen Poetry #4

untitled.....ne ideas?

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-11 01:09 PM

ugh! i hope yall like this...i had to struggle with it. i have writters block *cries* and i cant spell

sensual oppression
dark and light contrast
verbal abuse
tender loving care

teenage desires
shadows dancing
shattered heart
misery loves company

first crush
darkness dispersing
broken vows
can't buy love

true love
light won
mending soul
it only takes time

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-05-11 02:24 PM

Patience is a virtue ain't it?
It might seems like things are going wrong but in the end they end up thr right way
Great share Tiff
keep em coming
just make sure your only share 3 a day

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-11 06:22 PM

The last stanza was shorter in lines than were the others, this disrupted the flow somewhat.
Try not to abandon a flow once you create it.

I would title the poem "Teenager" but that's just me.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-16 04:57 PM

I liked the poem. Thought you did well. I am surprised it only has 2 replies up until now.
Hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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