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Teen Poetry #4
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Silver Butterfly
Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42
Between here and the end

0 posted 2001-05-09 02:37 PM


(sorry that I'm reposting, but the computer won't let me edit my poetry after 24 hours and apparently there was an error in my form. Namely, I forgot to type the last verse. Sorry also that I took so long to do it. Oooooo well. Enjoy again.)

dancing glass candlelit floor
spinning gold beneath small feet
music singing counts of four
brassy ringing whirling beat

spinning gold beneath small feet
follow follow chanting leads
brassy ringing whirling beat
fabric swishing pearly beads

follow follow chanting leads
noble knightly deeds are done
fabric swishing pearly beads
moon and music sky are one

noble knightly deeds are done
dancing glass candlelit floor
moon and music sky are one
music singing counts of four


[This message has been edited by Silver Butterfly (edited 05-09-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Debby - All Rights Reserved
Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

1 posted 2001-05-09 03:32 PM


Great job Deb!  Keep it up!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow.  I feel kinda sorry for it...

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-09 03:49 PM


very good poem..i liked it and keep writing...sometimes its like that  and no need for sorries at lease you sharing and thats what counts cya!

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
3 posted 2001-05-09 05:55 PM


Ohh this was really pretty.  Was it about dancing, or maybe skating?  It was good.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
4 posted 2001-05-09 07:57 PM


the imagery in this piece is wonderful, i enjoyed this piece a great deal.  i'm glad you decided to re post this so that more people can read this poem, you did a great job on this.  keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
5 posted 2001-05-09 09:24 PM


This is REALLY awesome!!!  
nice job!

,
Suga

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-05-09 10:22 PM


Hey, thanks for reposting this one.  You know it was a favourite of mine.     Oh and it's nice to see you took my suggestion and brought it to a complete circle.  It looks very nifty now.  
As always, I must say you pulled this off very well.  Each individual line is well thought-out, to the point where reading almost any one line from this poem inspires awe.  This technique is ideal for pantoum writing.
Maybe try another one sometime soon?  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-12 12:08 PM


Such a peaceful and delightful read.  I don't mind this being a repost at all.  Actually, I'm glad you did repost it   keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-05-16 05:11 PM


Well done on it. I liked it a lot.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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