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HappyPretender
Junior Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 38
Prince George, VA

0 posted 2001-05-11 12:48 PM

Neverending

Now I cry
Cry all alone
For I no longer
Have you to hold

I'll always love you
And you'll love me
A love like this
Is meant to be.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-05-11 06:16 PM

This flowed well, but the size of the poem is ironic due to the title.

I really got a good chuckle out of that... I think this should be stretched out a bit more. I'd say for you to add some stanzas and this would be a lot better.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

2 posted 2001-05-11 07:14 PM

OK, so Allan is right, as usual. But it is still a good poem. Short and sweet.

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-05-14 04:28 PM

Hope things do work out for you

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-14 05:20 PM

i liked what you were trying to say and that it was from the heart...thanks for the read...and good luck

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

5 posted 2001-05-14 05:33 PM

Yah, I agree that you should add some stanzas to this. It kind of ended prematurly. Its strong as it is but it seems you've only dared to dip into the ocean, so dive in and add to the power. Good luck,

~ali

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

6 posted 2001-05-14 05:52 PM

I really liked this one and what you were trying to convey in it, but I agree that it would be improved if you added more. It's just that it seems like there's alot more to be said, and that the reader would better understand it if you said everything. It's still good as it is though.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-05-15 03:41 AM

Short and simple....sweet, but sad considering you don't seem to have each other.....well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

8 posted 2001-05-15 10:31 AM

I wouldn't add any more stanza's it's perfect how it is... it gets the message across and I like the irony... intended or not

Mr mr Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2001-05-15 09:38 PM

I hope everything gets better for you ::hugz:: Keep your chin up hun

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