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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-11 12:36 PM

you're hurting so much
your heart is aching
been crushed so many times
been pushed to the limit
not wanting to survive
but taking each day as it comes
waiting...watching
for that next let down
but you're here
and thats all that counts

YOU'RE HERE

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-11-2001).]

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

1 posted 2001-05-11 01:13 AM

Pardon me for having this curiosity, but don't you mean, "You're here"? I know that the two words rhyme and everything, but they're really different words, and, I'm not sure that this poem really means, "Your here" because it just works better with "You're here"... even if "Your here" looks better... ^_^;

Of course, I could be wrong. ^^ hehehe Anyways, I enjoyed the poem... very short and to the point, and the theme seems very innocent, which is the way the poem seems to flow. Very pleasant echo, and I thought it was nice. ^^ It's not my favorite work of yours so far, but nevertheless, it was good.

- holatuwol

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

2 posted 2001-05-11 10:05 AM

short and well written, you did an excellent job on this piece. the italics in contrast with the caps a the end was paticularly effective, i think it might work even better if you put it in bold. great job, keep posting

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

broken wing
Junior Member

since 2001-04-30

Posts 37

3 posted 2001-05-11 12:33 PM

this is good.
broken

"To me, fair friend, u never can be old,
For as u were when first ur eye I eyed,
Such seems ur beauty still. ~W.S.

[This message has been edited by broken wing (edited 05-11-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-05-11 06:04 PM

This reminded me of those little maps in the big buildings, with an X on it that says "you are here."
I think this would be a perfect poem for that kinda thing.