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Teen Poetry #4
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knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-11 12:36 PM


you're hurting so much
your heart is aching
been crushed so many times
been pushed to the limit
not wanting to survive
but taking each day as it comes
waiting...watching
for that next let down
but you're here
and thats all that counts

          
YOU'RE HERE



“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell



[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-11-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved
holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
1 posted 2001-05-11 01:13 AM


Pardon me for having this curiosity, but don't you mean, "You're here"?  I know that the two words rhyme and everything, but they're really different words, and, I'm not sure that this poem really means, "Your here" because it just works better with "You're here"... even if "Your here" looks better... ^_^;

Of course, I could be wrong. ^^  hehehe  Anyways, I enjoyed the poem... very short and to the point, and the theme seems very innocent, which is the way the poem seems to flow.  Very pleasant echo, and I thought it was nice. ^^  It's not my favorite work of yours so far, but nevertheless, it was good.


- holatuwol

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
2 posted 2001-05-11 10:05 AM


short and well written, you did an excellent job on this piece.  the italics in contrast with the caps a the end was paticularly effective, i think it might work even better if you put it in bold.  great job, keep posting

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

broken wing
Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37

3 posted 2001-05-11 12:33 PM


this is good.
broken



"To me, fair friend, u never can be old,
For as u were when first ur eye I eyed,
Such seems ur beauty still. ~W.S.

[This message has been edited by broken wing (edited 05-11-2001).]

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-05-11 06:04 PM


This reminded me of those little maps in the big buildings, with an X on it that says "you are here."
I think this would be a perfect poem for that kinda thing.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-05-14 09:58 AM


That was a really good read.
I love the message too
thanks for sharing this Tiff

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-05-17 02:21 AM


Well done here. i enjoyed this one!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
7 posted 2001-05-17 02:24 AM


great poem tiff! hey get a hold of me on yahoo ok.
laterz
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

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