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Teen Poetry #4
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I miss you
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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I miss you |
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Terryloveiris_85 Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 61The middle of nowhere |
I miss you. Every day of the year. I miss you. Every minute of the day. I miss you. Every second of every minute. I miss you. I miss the way you laughed. I miss the way you used to yawn. I miss you. I miss you. Every day of the year. I miss you. Every minute of the day. I miss you. Every second of every minute. I miss the way you would make me laugh. I miss the way we would stay up late and make me yawn. I miss you. I miss you. Pap. I miss you so much. ~IRIS:crying |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
hehe...thats funny, b.c i was saying how i wanna write a poem like this today...anyways..this poem was good the repitition got old after a while..but you obviously put your heart into it so thats all that matters...nice job  *KiMMiE* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
It's best for you to show her this poem. Yes the repetiotions are nice, but it would have been better if you added more line in between each repetiotion  "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
good job and what you were trying say went straight to the reader(obviously)..haha..yea..keep writing..  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Awwww, this is so sad. It may not be too late, you can show him/her this poem. *hugs* Good luck.... Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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Terryloveiris_85 Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 61The middle of nowhere |
no, see my pap died a year ago.  ~IRIS i'd give eternity to be by your side-goo goo dolls/City of Angels soundtrack |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ah yes... quite a sad poem you have here. Touching, but I agree with our friend Kimmie about the repitition. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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takemeawaytoday Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 13Missouri |
good poem. the repitition got a little old maybe if you combinded some of the thoughts it would flow a little better and people wouldn't get tire of the I miss you phrase. Jen |
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ShortSexyAngel777 New Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 9Louisiana, USA |
hello, im sort of new at this, lol, but i read your poem terry, and i wanted to tell you i thought it was very well-written. i can sort of relate to it. i used to be going out with this guy, and i loved him, i still do, im just getting over him. but the things u mentioned, most of them, i miss to, and its a real tear-jerker. anyways, keep writing. PS as i said before, im not really sure what im doing, so if i did something wrong, or said something wrong in this, someone please tell me! |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
What a heartfelt piece. It is always sad to miss someone, especially when you cannot see this particular person again. Your piece conveyed the feelings very well. ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This is sad...very sad. I really enjoyed it though, but I hope you're ok....*hugs*  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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