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Teen Poetry #4
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When You Go
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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When You Go |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
When you go, don't look back at me I don't want to see you like this You can walk on me tomorrow If tommorow ever comes I knew when you let go, but I still can't When you get lost in your tears There's nothing I can do I get lost inside my fears Fears that if tomorrow comes without you I will be nothing. When you go, just tell me it's ok Let me believe this lie When you go, remember I didn't move, I never let go Tomorrow, I'll be waiting as today I have nothing left but to pray. Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
*hugs* i like this ewok.....alot! When you get lost in your tears There's nothing I can do I get lost inside my fears Fears that if tomorrow comes without you I will be nothing ^ i like that muchs *points* good job hun! cant wait to see more. tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” U in the dark u in the pain u on the run Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-10-2001).] |
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broken wing Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37 |
i loved this. the last stanza just blew me away. good work on this moe. cant wait to see more. broken "The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing." |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ohh this was pretty good...just to point out..the words "fears" and "tears" are a very very overused rhyme, and it kinda let me down..But the poem kicked...heh I love your quotes, too.  ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm with Carly..... "Tears" and "Fears" are a very overused rhyme, right up there with "Life" and "Strife." Oh and I think the last line would be best as "I have nothing left to do but pray." It just sounds more neato.  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Good job on the poem, keep them coming. "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
I thought the last line was great myself  but you are entitled to your own opinion even if it sux :P Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually... |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
ewoksters u doodie hed!!!!!!!!! be nice lol allan is my friends:P lols *Hugs* love yalls guysas! tiff “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Enjoyed it much.....well done!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
That was a really nice poem. I can totally relate to it and i look forward to reading more of your poems. keep up the good work. |
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