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broken wing
Junior Member

since 2001-04-30

Posts 37

0 posted 2001-05-10 01:30 AM

nothings wrong
im ok
everything is fine
nothings changed
im still the same
happy
im happy
i promise
what could be wrong?
this is me!
im happy
I AM

"The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-05-10 09:42 AM

I felt like you were hidding something in your poem which makes me belive that you really aren't as happy as you try to show. Well, that's just my opinion. it's just that constant reasurance one does when things really aren't going right. Thanks for the read and keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-10 10:16 AM

I think that's what she was trying to show, Acire.
Not a bad poem, as far as technique goes I didn't see much but the message is more profound than that in here.
Best of luck to you...
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-15 03:03 PM

Yea acire caught it right on the dot. I agree with him. It seems like you're trying to convince yourself that.

Well done though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-16 01:56 AM

this was a nice expression of what state you are in fighting aganist what you truly feel or say what you dont feel...i liked it and hope to see more...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-05-17 11:29 AM

Yea i felt like you were hiding something in this poem too...but i really liked it..you made it seemed like u were being attacked by questions and you were dodging them...it was a cool effect to the poem..i really liked it!

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