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Teen Poetry #4
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whos this little girl?
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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whos this little girl? |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
who is this little girl who is standing in front of me? with her wide shoulders slumped who can it be? she looks so insecure with her arms folded on her chest her eyes big and droopy and sad like the rest who is this little girl staring at me? lip quivering in fear who can she be? fidling with her fingers on the corner of her dress wrinkled and dirty and hair in a mangled mess she calls out to me but doesnt say a word one scream 2 screams and then comes a third who is this little girl standing in front of me so insecure and scared who can she be? she falls to the floor breaks into peices so small shes small and insecure its my reflection after all guys im having a writers block today...si srry if this isnt that good!!! *KiMMiE* |
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| © Copyright 2001 kimberly - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
writers block..suks  anyways..on the poem...this was sad and if this is how you feel..i hope you feel better cause no matter how you think there will be a guy who will love you for who you are...so..keep your head up and just keep writing...kim and this was good...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Sorry bout the writers block, I hate that. But you seem to have overcome it here, really good job, I like it alot. |
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dramaqueen22086 Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 50Hadlyme, CT |
kimmie i love this poem, i wish it was happy but i think it's really good, i know how you feel.... i love this one most of all... you are you good at written. ~!kellie!~ ~never follow the yellow brick road~ |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Great job! This is a great way to show how you feel without speaking in the first person. I do it sometimes too. Thanks for the wonderful read! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey, I happened to like this one Kimmie.  "she falls to the floor breaks into peices so small shes small and insecure its my reflection after all" I thought this was a great twist on the end. You did a marvelous job with this part, I did not expect it in the least. Kudos to you for leading me where I didn't think I was headed. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
oh wow...allan gave my poem good coments..and kudos whoa hooo lol...just playin thanx for the replies guys..i appreiciate it! *KiMMiE* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I like the poem you worded it really good one thing though...... too much of a cliche I already knew it was your reflection before i got to the end of the poem. just my thoughts you're a very talented writer so keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i love this poem, and i especially like the last stanza, that was really well done. you did a really wonderful job on this, i loved the imagery and the choice of words. keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol i knews it was ur reflection b4 i got to the ends alsos......but i dont cares! i liked this alots....thought u did a greats job on it hun  *hugs*tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was really good Kimmie. It was a like a video playing in my head. Amazig! Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
This was a really good poem, ye go girl!  "Fight for what you believe in" |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
U call this writers block??? I call this excellent work!!! I loved it |
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*~valeria~* Junior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 10East Haddam, CT |
hey kim. i bet you don't know who this is hehehe. oh well whatever. this is a good poem see ya later!! |
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*~valeria~* Junior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 10East Haddam, CT |
hey kim never mind my dumb it says my name so ofcourse you know who i am oh welz *~*~VALERIA~*~* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
The poem was very predictable. I knew what the ending was going to be like....maybe that's cuz i read so many poems....erm....I don't know....I try not to be so obvious in my poems....anyway I fully enjoyed it though. I especially liked the stanza where she screamed 3 times. You wrote this well.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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