think whatever you want to for a title......im not giving it one

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Teen Poetry #4

think whatever you want to for a title......im not giving it one

broken wing
Junior Member

since 2001-04-30

Posts 37

0 posted 2001-05-08 09:17 PM

im not really here
nor am i really there
im not really anywhere
im transparent
dont you see?

that is the end i think but i dont know. i might add more but dont count on it. if you like it like that then thank you if you dont well i dont really care.

"The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing."

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-08 09:23 PM

sup...with all the commands...sheesh

..
anyway..and the poem i thought it was ok in its sense as a short poem but adding a little more would help the poem make it better...keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

2 posted 2001-05-08 09:26 PM

i think als right..add just a few more lines to make it a lil bit less simple..
*KiMMiE*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-08 09:33 PM

Great ending! I really liked this a lot.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

4 posted 2001-05-09 08:56 AM

It sounds like you wrote this when you were upset, but it's good. I think it could be improved if you added a few lines to it, but it's definitely not bad as it is.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

5 posted 2001-05-09 11:51 AM

i liked the theme of this and i think that you could do a lot with this if you expanded it a little. if you decide to work on it some more i would really like to see how it turns out.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-05-11 12:24 PM

interesting poem
i would like to know the reason for writing this though
it's got me all curious

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-05-16 01:01 AM

Regardless of being transparent or not, you're still existing and thus THERE/HERE/ANYWHERE....
nicely done tho.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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