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Teen Poetry #4
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Lay Still
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Lay Still |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... 
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The sun burns bright in the sky, The waste of my heart, Is a darker heat, Burning with rage, And uncontrollable hate, Twisting slowly, Ravaging my body, Tearing it painfully. Eyes start to cry, A cold steel stream, Tracing a path over my cheeks, And into my mouth, Lick away the salt venom, Poisoning my lips, Killing my heart. Sheer curtains billow, The chill breeze roaming My body soft and silent, Dark lips whisper to another’s hunger, Dark nails trace another’s figure, “Lay still”............ ~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michelle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
wow, i really like this piece. the imagery is really incredible and i liked the dark tone of this a lot. this is wonderful writing, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The last statement left me in awe. You built up to the climax of the poem so very well, I can't praise you enough for that. This is a wonderful piece of poetry. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
*adds this poem to her personal library* WOW... this gave me chills... wonderful imagery GREAT WORK! *Justine* -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This is amazing...truly amazing. I loved each and every part of it. Your second stanza left me sitting here, wanting to read it over and over again. Excellent.  ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i also loved the second... "Eyes start to cry, A cold steel stream, Tracing a path over my cheeks, And into my mouth, Lick away the salt venom, Poisoning my lips, Killing my heart." it was awesome..great poem keep writing..cya~  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought you did quite well. I enjoyed the ending. Very well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
I agree with Albert, that stanza is the best! Nice work  Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
amazing!!! you've written this really well. excellent job, and keep em coming "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
i liked this one a lot... the dark tone was a good um setting for it... (can't think today) |
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