My almost broken heart - pipTalk Forums

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Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-06 08:35 PM

here you are beside me holding my hand
yet you're not really here
our time seems to be slipping away like sand
you're words to me have begun to bring a tear

i think you just asked me if i still loved you
but i don't really know, and im so scared
theres so much here for us to purse
so much that we've already shared

whats wrong? whats missing?
did i do or say something wrong?
instead of going foward, im reminiscing
don't go, im not that strong

i was hurt not very long ago
maybe it was too soon to start again
if you're leaving, please say so
having you was something i thought i'd gained

now you're so distant
somethings not right
my life could change in an instant
you're here, yet not in my sight

im asking you please
don't leave me in the dark
my heart's not something you can tease
i thought with you i'd made a new start

yet being with you is hurting me more
somethings wrong and its scaring me to death
what do you hold, whats in store?
please don't go, you'll take my heart and my breath

tell me now if something is wrong
don't leave me standing all alone
being with out you is beging to get long
don't go with out your feelings being known

so now i leave you with one last thought
if you go you will have broken my heart
why you would leave i don't know, we've never fought
but leave with your pride, and not my heart

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

1 posted 2001-05-06 08:49 PM

ok, i enjoyed this poem..
but i think at some points in the poem..
you tried to hard to rythme words..
and i think that it took away from the feeling and meaning.it could of been better worded!!
It is still really good!!
thanks for posting it!

$ Jeff $ : )

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

2 posted 2001-05-07 02:14 AM

I liked this, although I do tend to agree with JBaker...
But it was terrific never the less.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-07 12:43 PM

Nice work Angel Bee... keep on sharing with us.

And good luck with the situation.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

4 posted 2001-05-07 02:58 PM

i agree with the others but the thought behind this poem was beautiful, it is a tough situation, i wish you the best of luck in dealing with it!
*Justine*

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-13 05:42 PM

Well done. I liked it but hope things get better.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-05-16 02:21 AM

great poem...i enjoyed this muchs...this is a sad situation and i hope things worked out or will...keep writing...

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-05-17 11:48 AM

I thought this was beautifully written and i hope that this situation works out for you...stay strong hun

::hugs::

~*brittt*~
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 76
East Haddam, CT

8 posted 2001-05-18 09:13 AM

I know how it feels, when being with the one you care about can bring you so much pain. Hang in there sweetie.Things'll get better soon.
~britt~
Great poem by the way. I really enjoyed this one.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-06-03 05:24 PM

~*hugs*~ hope things do get better for you

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

Demi
New Member

since 2001-06-02

Posts 2

10 posted 2001-06-03 05:32 PM

i really like reading his poem. i think you did try to rhyme a little to hard. keep up trhe good work.

Raven Skye
Member

since 2001-03-03

Posts 112
.In a House.

11 posted 2001-06-03 06:33 PM

wow...this a great...good job, keep up the good work

*×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×*
"Can't explain the way that I feel. You are the love I never found." -Cold

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

12 posted 2001-06-03 08:57 PM

omg this was so good. the last stanza completed it though. *does the jerry maguire thing* "you complete me" okay but anyway... lol i love the last line "leave with your pride, not with my heart" AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW *L* but nice job. i like it a lot.

Valerie

Why do you do what u do to me baby...you know if I could I'd do anything for you, please don't ignore me cause you know I adore you

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