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Teen Poetry #4
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Emotions Run
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Emotions Run |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
this isnt the best thing in the world...but hey i hope it doesnt suck *that* bad. Emotions run Emotions fly Emotions leave And are left behind Emotions swell Emotions overpower Emotions kill By the hour Emotions revive Emotions live Emotions take And also give Emotions weaken Emotions flare Emotions strengthen With every glare Emotions speak Yet have no words Emotions seek And only leave sores |
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| © Copyright 2001 ethel lahootie - All Rights Reserved | |||
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Ethel.. i enjoyed it..you did well! Two things though..personally, i think that title should be "Emotions", just because you only say "emotions run once...its just an idea..you dont have to change it..it just shows all types of emotions, and in this poem they arent only running, they are..flying, leaving...and so on..got me.. and.. the second stanza Emotions swell Emotions overpower Emotions kill By the hour I liked that one the best..its meter flowed the best!! Hope to see more from you!!  ~ Jeff ~ :) |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow Jobethel that was great!!! Reminds me of 2 songs..one by Santana and..uh 3rd Eye Blind I think, and one buy Silverchair...hmmm....  Bel |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
thanks for replying  jbaker- i actually was gonna call it emotions but then i was too lazy to change it haha  but i do like emotions better to...thanks-bel- hehe thanks for replyin. i got a reply for mr man that i emailed and sorta told u bout. ill tell u bout it tomorrow. u gotta gimmie the scoop bout ur "thingy" in cpII aight? thanks- |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Funny thing is I completely disagree with Jeff. The title is fine as it is, "emotions" would just be predictable. And I felt the second stanza was devastating for the meter, "overpower" had way too many syllables. Ah well... just my opinion. Aside from that I thought this was one of your better works. Well done, Ethel! ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was good, Ethel. I thought the repitition was wonderful, and the flow, although broken in a few places, was overall very good. Nice work. I agree with Allan about the title. Well done. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
the titles fine whether or not it stays emotions run or changes to emotions lol... but this was good, and the repitition worked well *KiMMiE* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done on the over all poem, but the flow within the second stanza is completely off. The others work fine. I enjoyed the poem very much.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Not a bad poem. I've read better ones from you. I'm not sure if you put as much time and effort on this. Just my feeling on it keep sharing though. I love reading your poems"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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