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Teen Poetry #4
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I break (my 500th post)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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I break (my 500th post) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I built the caste of your dreams, my aching hands are caked with blood, foundation made of willful brick, is made to stand against the flood. My lifeblood stains the mortar mix, to add to stone my steadfast will. When earthquakes shake defiant walls, my spirit holds the structure still. Now thunder tumbles through the sky, the darkened heavens groan and strain, a shiver ripples through my nerves, i feel a tiny drop of rain. My work for you was not enough. I must have missed a tiny crack. I wedge myself against the roof, and put the weight upon my back. My fragile thoughts are ripped away. I pay for plentiful mistakes. My tears cannot delay my fate. My tired back gives out and breaks. My strength i could not make to last, i shatter on the jagged past. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. [This message has been edited by banburycross (edited 05-06-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Peter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow, this is great. I'm quite impressed. I love the imagry here....wow... this is great  Bel |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The images you've portrayed here are simply beautiful. I can't say enough about this poem.. the flow is perfect and the rhyme scheme is excellent.. I loved it. It's another one that's going right into my library. You've got so much talent, and I'm glad that you're sharing that with us. Awesome work, love. Oh, and congrats on 500  --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow... great poem... I can't really say anymore than Marie has except maybe to congratulate you on your 500th post <<<_Zu_>>> |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is simply excellent work, Peter! The Iambic Tetrameter was so well done, you just drew me right in! And the imagery were just... oh man, just stupendous! Awesome work, it's going into my personal library! And congrats on the 500! ~Allan Peter, peter king of meter So entrancing to the reader! Bound to someday be our leader Hail the King! but call him Peter! Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Peter.. this was gorgeously written..i loved it!! You have a lot of talent!!, and it is a pleasure to read all the time!! And allan...that was a cute little rythme of your own there my good friend!! I'm sure Pete will love it!! LOL ~ Jeff ~ :) |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
this was beautifly written and the images...just wow..im luving it! *KiMMiE* |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
This was ABSOLUTLY AMAZING!!!! I am sooo impressed, I love this one, its so awesome. I can't praise you enough on this piece, bravo! |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
awesome poem... one of my fav's by you..and congratson your 500!!!...and this poem as i said was just amazingly awesome..keep writing   ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
This was awesome..WOW! Great work! "Fight for what you believe in" |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Now you know after your nice comment on my poem I had to come and reply to yours J thanks for the comment by the way. You have only been here for a while and you already have made 500 + It says a lot that you don’t only reply to the people who reply to your poems. I have watched your poems closely and I think all of the ones I have read are in my library. I have noticed you have grown as a poet and your poems are becoming better and better, you have gone from being great to superb to beyond that you are one of my favorite poets write up there with Allan, Dopey, Fading, Poet on Acid, and everyone else who knows who they are (cause there area lot) I hope you continue to share your masterpieces with me and the rest of the netpoets. Until your next masterpiece (this is long) -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
ooooooohh!! This is definitely one for a 500th post, because its great!! I like this mucho. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Awesome imagery! I love it! I love the way you set it up. Keep on writing. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You have shown us such images on this one. great write and congratulations on your 500th post "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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broken wing Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37 |
simply amazing. i enjoyed this very much. just so you know, your the first to enter my library  broken "The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing." |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Good job on the poem and congrats on 500...well...600 now "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done on this one Ban!! Wow, i really liked it. The flow was great. I enjoyed this poem greatly! Good to see you become a senior member!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*bump*...page one this was aamazing poem...everything was just wonderful... ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!! |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
albert...i like the way you bump poems banburycross, im not saying this because this was your 500th post...i liked the way how you introduced your back and its inadequacy into the poem and the last two lines were the clicher for me.... well done....and i guess i await your 1000th post!! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is such a beautiful and well-written piece. The imagery, the metaphors are all perfectly done. And, as Allan said, you ARE the king of meter. Congrats on 500, and I can't wait until we get to see another beautiful piece to celebrate your 1000th post!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
this rocked!! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME..take a bow. i loved this..soo much emotion and all went together perfectly. cant wait to read more by you *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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thedarkangel Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 74~*~the cutest~*~ |
that was absoloutly fantastic!!!!i loved all of it! great 500th post!!well done and congrats! love, peace and eyeliner angel -x- tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial for what it's worth it was worth all the while - Green Day |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hey This is a very good poem nicley written |
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