Teen Poetry #4 |
Never |
broken wing Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37 |
To never know the answer of rather or not To never know the question of is it or not To never look for knowledge of yourself or this world To never know yourself of your mind or your heart To never be prepared of the coming of the end To never make it there because it is to late. "The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing." |
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© Copyright 2001 broken wing - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is pretty good, not my fav by you thus far. I think that it need some sort of meter, personally. That would make the flow a lot better. I enjoyed this, just the same. Nice work. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Marie, Marie... in some ways you and I are two very different people. This was a lot more satisfying for me than was the other I read from you, I saw an interesting organization of words and a very involving set of messages. I think this one is very good. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
I liked the idea and the theme. It took a little longer to get into, but once into it, it flowed nicely. Well done. ~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~ |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
well i thought you did a great job on this but i will agree that it isn't really my favorite by you. you might try marie's suggestion (sorry allan), but this is a good piece just the same. keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
i like this even if banbury doesnt agree with me...lol neways...good meaning = a good poem in my eyes! *KiMMiE* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done on the poem. I liked it very much! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is really good, but I believe you should end it in a different tone. I feel like it was cut and not ended. Still abeautiful read though. Excellent words. thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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