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Teen Poetry #4
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broken wing
Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37


0 posted 2001-05-06 04:22 PM


To never know the answer
of rather or not
To never know the question
of is it or not
To never look for knowledge
of yourself or this world
To never know yourself
of your mind or your heart
To never be prepared
of the coming of the end
To never make it there
because it is to late.


"The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing."


© Copyright 2001 broken wing - All Rights Reserved
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
1 posted 2001-05-06 05:26 PM


This is pretty good, not my fav by you thus far.  I think that it need some sort of meter, personally.  That would make the flow a lot better.  I enjoyed this, just the same.  Nice work.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-05-06 05:40 PM


Marie, Marie... in some ways you and I are two very different people.  
This was a lot more satisfying for me than was the other I read from you, I saw an interesting organization of words and a very involving set of messages.  
I think this one is very good.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
3 posted 2001-05-07 02:21 AM


I liked the idea and the theme.  It took a little longer to get into, but once into it, it flowed nicely.
Well done.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
4 posted 2001-05-07 12:48 PM


well i thought you did a great job on this but i will agree that it isn't really my favorite by you.  you might try marie's suggestion (sorry allan), but this is a good piece just the same.  keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
5 posted 2001-05-07 07:40 PM


i like this even if banbury doesnt agree with me...lol  neways...good meaning = a good poem in my eyes!
         *KiMMiE*

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-05-13 06:29 PM


Very well done on the poem.
I liked it very much!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-22 06:16 PM


This is really good, but I believe you should end it in a different tone.  I feel like it was cut and not ended.  Still abeautiful read though.  Excellent words.  thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

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