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broken wing
Junior Member

since 2001-04-30

Posts 37

0 posted 2001-05-06 04:17 PM

Betrayal of a trust.
Betrayal of a need.
Betrayal of a friend.
A friend that was me.

"The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing."

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-05-06 05:23 PM

Oh wow..
This poem is awesome!! I enjoyed it a lot! It's so powerful. You've done an excellent job here. It's hard making a poem so short so powerful, but this about knocked me off my feet. Excellent work..

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-06 05:39 PM

I personally didn't like it as did Marie, that's the problem with short poetry... if you dislike the tiniest thing about the poem, it might turn out to be the entire poem.
Sorry but I didn't detect much technique in it at all, so I can't fully appreciate it. However the message was not lost on me.
Keep on sharing with us.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

3 posted 2001-05-07 08:27 PM

ive seen better from you..but none theless it was a cute peom..straight to the point..and it sucks getting betrayed doesnt it..dunt worry, theyll get it thrown back in their face 3 times worse!

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

4 posted 2001-05-07 08:35 PM

Just ignore Allan. LoL. I personally thought you said alot in few words, not ur best work, but it was good in my opinion.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-13 06:24 PM

You did very well on this poem. I enjoyed it a lot.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

6 posted 2001-05-13 08:17 PM

great piece. I enjoyed it. Short, but to the point.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Always remember compliments you received; forget about the rude

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

7 posted 2001-05-13 08:40 PM

you did an excellent job on this poem. short, sweet, and to the point. BRAVO!!

*s*
Stace

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-05-23 09:52 AM

loved it....straight to the point sometimes is what we need to get the point over other's heads

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

9 posted 2001-05-23 12:59 PM

This was pretty good actually. You were able to convey a lot in such few words...Keep writing.

Jenn

"If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2001-05-23 05:16 PM

wow!....such a real poem...awesome poem...so powerful...this hit me hard...i realte to this as i write poems on this topic...thanks for sharing it...hope to see more...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

11 posted 2001-05-24 02:41 PM

This was definately a poem chock-full-of-reality...short, sweet, to the point and was yet so powerful...great!

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